Blog entry for:

to put principles before personalities. a great reminder for this addict, especially at this time in my life. i was poised to be disruptive, in a sneaky, snarky, passive-aggressive manner at a service meeting next Tuesday, and as i sat this morning, i had a small revelation. that revelation? well, was it really something i NEEDED to do or was it just to even the score with someone who is totally oblivious to the damage they have caused? when i actually looked at my motives, i saw it was nothing but pay back and that the last place i need to be next Tuesday evening was at that meeting. for me to proceed with my plan would be damaging to me, even though i would do it in a manner full of mock respect and bordering on abuse, without ever crossing over that line. whether or not they ever wake up and smell the coffee is not up to me. i am certainly not holding my breath, waiting for a sincere amends to be made to the members of that service body and it is better that i withdraw for now, rather than ending up having to clean up another mess in my life.
moving on, another topic that popped off the stack this morning was a conversation i had with one of my peers in recovery, regarding needle exchanges and safe using spaces. they were adamantly against both, believing them to be a form of enabling the still suffering addict. i am of the opinion that all drugs should be legalized, sold by dispensaries and quality controlled by the government. for me, i know that will never ever happen, so any steps that the government can take to save the lives of the still-suffering are a good move forward. i know when i was still using the availability or lack thereof of the necessary accoutrements was hardly a barrier to getting high. i do however, see their point of view, and while i may not agree with it, i also will not fight any battles over getting them to see things my way, as i no longer have to be right, in every case, just for today.
anyhow i have some studying to do this morning and i want to get some miles under my belt, walking in circles at the local Rec Center. i know what i believe and i also know that what i believe is no longer written in stone. the ideas i feel the most resistant to, may just be the ideas i need to survive another day clean. shooting the messenger, as i can be apt to do, is not what i am all about today, most of the time. at least in this moment i can resolve to listen more, talk less and evaluate an alternative point of view, no matter what the source.

∞ DT ∞