Blog entry for:

the message, not who is sharing their message. okay, being honest here, there really are some of my peers, that i sincerely wish would sit down, shut up and just listen. the irony of that statement is that, more than a few of them, i actually like. the rest? well the rest are certainly people, with whom i would not choose to spend any additional time with nor even give the time of day to, BUT to whom i am coldly courteous, to meet the letter, but far from the spirit of providing a safe place to recover. of course, there are the tourists, the itinerant preachers and and the “grateful one day each year” folks that i throw a judgement about as soon as they walk in the door, and of course i miss whatever their message may be. my judge gets in the way, and even when i do hear what they say, i am already critiquing their message and have it ripped to shreds, before they get the chance to finish. my emotional reaction to those who disrespect the place where i recover does not seem to be fading.
what did i hear this morning as i sat? well a whole lot of what i NEED to accomplish before i return home today and very little about letting go of what i think i know and finding the inherent value in what ALL of my peers, happen top share. focusing in on the juicy bit and leaving behind all the rest, what really rang clearest of all, is what path do i need to take to see past the shares that string together the slogans and bumper stickers and really have nothing to say? it is true, for me, time is most precious asset. i squandered far too much of it in active addiction and slept through far too much of my early recovery. as a result of that resentment towards myself., and trust me it is still there, it is easy to project that upon others, when the blather on about nothing, tell me how to do this recovery gig, or play the wise and wonderful sage, freely dispensing advice about shite they are clueless about. i could go on to belabor this point, but what i am seeing is intolerance and a very closed and biased mind set, that needs a bit of adjusting and i am not speaking of others, that finger is pointed directly back at myself.
i may not grow into a spiritual giant over night, but i can actively practice a bit of open-mindedness, when i feel those steel door of doom clanging down. what i take from this little exercise this morning, is a path forward to being a bit less judgemental, just for today.

∞ DT ∞