Blog entry for:

to face whatever ones that may come up in my life, today.
the journey continues, another day, another face to face with another sponsee. i am grateful that these men can come to me and we can talk. i want to add a big BUT here, BUT as i ponder and feel my way through this, i am deciding that is not what i want to do, after all, a BUT after an expression of gratitude, is not what i want to say this morning.
is gratitude a feeling, i think so, but it is not an emotion. i am often confused by the difference. i have the ability to feel grateful as well as sad. i can make myself feel sad, but most of the time feeling sad is my response to outside events or inner turmoil, and gratitude most often arises from a shift in my perception. i can practice being grateful, but i can hardly practice feeling sad. that difference is so subtle, that i often forget that it even there.
so exactly what does it mean, to face my emotions. as i have learned to be present, it means that i do not revert to familiar behaviors, like eating my way out OR shopping my way out of whatever emotion i may be having. it means that i ALLOW myself to feel, just like the other 85% of humanity, certain that i will not die, because i feel something, anything. it means i let go of my FEAR of feeling emotions and be present for whatever feeling comes up. it means that i do not get stuck in the why and focus on how to behave, in the here and now. i am feeling because i am feeling, and even though i know i can change how i am feeling, if i just allow it to run its course, it will pass, feelings are transient and oh so temporary.
knowing this intellectually and owning this in my heart of hearts, is quite the journey, and it is one i am willing to undertake today. life is all about being more than i was yesterday and facing my feelings allows that to happen. on that note, i think i will wrap this up and be firm in my determination to face whatever emotions that may come rolling down the pike today.

∞ DT ∞