Blog entry for:
Wed, Feb 28, 2018 07:41:44 AM
🚌 but what about 🚍
posted: Wed, Feb 28, 2018 07:41:44 AM
as is the case in most of what i do, what i mostly dread, is how some of my peers at the meeting this evening will dwell on the goodness or badness of certain feelings, and i will of course shut down and retreat into my sullen silence waiting for them to complete sharing whatever it is they are try to share. i will miss what they said, because of my prejudice and bias towards the way others see their feelings. knowing this may happen does not take any sort of foreknowledge of the future and is based solidly on the evidence of the past and my reactions to date. sure i may actually be able to get past the nasty bit about how this or that feeling is “good” or “bad,” and hear what i NEED to hear, but i FEEL that will probably not occur, no matter how resolved i am to put principles before personalities. maybe i should just avoid the meeting all together and sit home and stream my latest series, then i need not berate myself about being so much less than the spiritual giant i want others to see me as! it is what it is, and i am what i am, and chance are, that i will decide to go to the meeting this evening,in my ”damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead” mode.
moving past my initial reaction, what i heard this morning, was that i really do not what is or is not a gift. something i may see as a curse, such as addiction, may turn out to be a blessing, as it led me to this way of living. DESIRE, colors my judgements in all things, especially in the way i look at my peers, at myself and my feelings. when i say something is good, what i am really saying is: that is something i DESIRE. when i say that one of my peers does not know how to share , what i am really saying is what they are sharing is UNDESIRABLE to me. when i get rid of the value judgements and into my emotional reactions, i see my path forward. DESIRE will never be rooted from me, but perhaps, as i grow spiritually i will learn to live in less in the world of DESIRE and WANT, just for today.
∞ DT ∞
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
FAITH, FEAR and FEELINGS 257 words ➥ Monday, February 28, 2005 by: donnotα no bad feelings? only lessons to be learned? Ω 393 words ➥ Tuesday, February 28, 2006 by: donnot
↔ the feelings i am given, good or bad are given to me for a reason. ↔ 520 words ➥ Wednesday, February 28, 2007 by: donnot
α one such gift is the renewed ability to feel the emotions i had deadened for so long with drugs. ω 505 words ➥ Thursday, February 28, 2008 by: donnot
μ but what about the **bad** feelings like anger, sadness, fear, and loneliness? μ 738 words ➥ Saturday, February 28, 2009 by: donnot
∏ i hear other addicts talking about the gifts the program has given them ∏ 607 words ➥ Sunday, February 28, 2010 by: donnot
¨ my newly found faith serves as a firm foundation for courage in the future ¨ 639 words ➥ Monday, February 28, 2011 by: donnot
∠ i welcome my emotions, firm in the belief that i have the courage ∠ 407 words ➥ Tuesday, February 28, 2012 by: donnot
¹ the feelings i am given, ¹ 723 words ➥ Thursday, February 28, 2013 by: donnot
♠ i will welcome my feelings, firm in the belief that ♠ 605 words ➥ Friday, February 28, 2014 by: donnot
◊ my FAITH and the care of the POWER ◊ 687 words ➥ Saturday, February 28, 2015 by: donnot
❂ the greatest gift ❂ 579 words ➥ Sunday, February 28, 2016 by: donnot
😝 uncovering the courage 😣 518 words ➥ Tuesday, February 28, 2017 by: donnot
🙻 a **Higher Power** 🙻 727 words ➥ Thursday, February 28, 2019 by: donnot
🌧 what about 🌤 439 words ➥ Friday, February 28, 2020 by: donnot
🏃 the things 🏃 420 words ➥ Sunday, February 28, 2021 by: donnot
🌄 does not make mistakes 🌄 456 words ➥ Monday, February 28, 2022 by: donnot
😈 good or bad, 😇 539 words ➥ Tuesday, February 28, 2023 by: donnot
😵 reliability matters 😵 520 words ➥ Wednesday, February 28, 2024 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 1
2) The multitude of men look satisfied and pleased; as if enjoying
a full banquet, as if mounted on a tower in spring. I alone seem listless
and still, my desires having as yet given no indication of their presence.
I am like an infant which has not yet smiled. I look dejected and
forlorn, as if I had no home to go to. The multitude of men all have
enough and to spare. I alone seem to have lost everything. My mind
is that of a stupid man; I am in a state of chaos. Ordinary men look
bright and intelligent, while I alone seem to be benighted. They look
full of discrimination, while I alone am dull and confused. I seem
to be carried about as on the sea, drifting as if I had nowhere to
rest. All men have their spheres of action, while I alone seem dull
and incapable, like a rude borderer. (Thus) I alone am different from
other men, but I value the nursing-mother (the Tao).