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i have found that my conscious contact with the POWER that fuels my recovery, DOES improve. okay, those who do not, do not get the benefits, those who do, DO! to say anything more, really does nothing but waste the bits and bytes that comprise this blog, so i will not try to convince anyone to change their daily recovery routine.
FOR ME, i find that the time i set aside, and it is far less than twenty minutes a day, is invaluable in getting me focused on what comes next. at the end of my day, it is sleeping soundly through the night, as i have resolved most of what occurred during the day. at the start of my day, it gets me focused on becoming part of the world. each has its place and each reaffirms, that no matter how much i want to change the way i feel, i am on the right path, all i have to is let go and allow the POWER that fuels my recovery to care for my will and my life. part of that decison to surrender, allows me to do my best to be present for what happened and is happening right here and now. i have found that when i step out of my contact routine, i am not all the person i want to be. working with one of the men i sponsor yesterday, i find myself leading him back into the fold, in a manner i never would ahve believed would work. over the past 10 days, he has made a series of decisons that are contrary to what he has always believed, and the growth as a result is phenomanal. i mention this, because i believe, the path the two of us are on, is a gift i have received from the time i spend in prayer and medititation. i can hear what i need to hear and best of all with that information make choices that further my goal of becoming the man i have always wanted to be.
enough of the deep thoughts, on the lighter side, i am coming out of the gloom and doom that my step work has created. it has not been removed and what i believe is happening, is that i finally beginning to accept that this NEEDS to be done, the step work, not coming out of the doom and gloom. i am also coming to see that my current condtion is only temporary and not a permanent alteration to the HOPE and JOY i feel being on this side of the grass. yes. i used the word JOY and it is appropriate for me, even though i do not seem to be a joyful person, after all, i am far too deep to feel joy or at least that is part of the seemingly endless internal running commentary. the time i spend listening for another voice, is my only reprieve from the critic within. yet another reason for me to work on improving the length and quality of my quiet time. it is ironic, how that voice was my higher power for so long. the voice that tells me i am not worth anything, certainly not the work and effort i put into living a program. the voice that reminds me, i cn change the way i feel, in an instant. the voice that nags at my sensibilities like some sort flesh-eating bacteria, doing its destruction with very few symptoms, until it is almost too late to do anything except drastic meaures.
so after wandering all over the amp this morning, i guess, i have finished saying what i really have trouble expressing, that is the gratitude i feel for a simple program and the changes that are manifest in my life as a result. so i think i will just say, it is a great day to be clean and see what is happening in the rest of the world.

∞ DT ∞