Blog entry for:

an already lively contact with a POWER GREATER THAN MYSELF.
and of course, since this is already something i do on a consistent basis, there is only a limited number of ways to go. i can preach to the choir about how beneficial this is for me and how grateful i am that i have made this a part of my life, and while all of that is true, what new understanding can i bring to myself as a result.
i could go into my history of coming to believe as that eventually lad to the Establishment of my daily contact with the POWER that fuels my recovery, that however provides very little new insight as well.
so when i quieted down and listened to what as going on, what i heard had absolutely nothing to do with my daily spiritual maintenance. the fact is that i have been bracketing my day in prayer since i first actually accepted recovery as the direction i wanted to go. in fact, now that i think about it, even when i was still using and playing like i was recovering that was part of my daily routine, after all, when you are clean 27 days out of thirty, you can gain a little perspective. all of that i did by rote for quite a period of time, praying, asking and even listening and all i got out of it was sore knees, a few extra minutes of sleep and very little else. well i got a bit more, i developed a habit of just doing it and not that much more.
the amazing thing i am seeing this morning, is that the ritualistic nature of my daily practice prepared me for what has become an amazing part of my daily life.as i stayed clean, as i came to learn how to apply the spiritual principles of the program and as i snapped out of my decades long slumber to discover life around me, i also discovered life within me, and a life beyond me. discover is an appropriate verb here as, i can never recall ever having any glimmer of recognition about all of that before i used, and certainly not during active addiction, as i went out of my way to disprove to myself anything beyond measuring by my senses. i have used that term before and something i think i need to clear up is that an electron microscope, and a radio telescope extend my senses, hence, the smallest particle of matter as well as the most distant stars, are not outside of the realm of my physical senses. however i digress.
awakening to a spiritual world, and feeling connected to it, was quite the shock for this so-called rational pragmatist, and the buffer that prayer and meditation provide allows the rational and irrational to settle within me to form my daily current world view. that view, because of the nature of my spiritual program, changes and morphs into whatever it needs to be just for today. unlike the action of morphing myself to fit the circumstances that i found myself in, this change in my outlook requires that i just be who i am and walk through my day as that man, being present for what i NEED to see and feel. REECE, my friend and sponsee, i am sorry that you had to aid in the passing of your canine companion yesterday. IT SUCKS, but IT IS PART OF LIFE. you gave SPUNKY a gift that we can never receive, to pass in the arms of those we love, before we get to the point where all we want to do is crawl away and pass by ourselves. thank you for reaching out and allowing to play a part in that process yesterday. OH YEAH, it also sucks that it brought back all those feelings i had allowed to fade about ODIN and my gift to him last DECEMBER. i not only sympathized and i actually empathized with you, proving once again that i am not a sociopath, even though i often played one in active addiction.
anyhow, what i also heard this morning, is that i have all i need today to live and even thrive, materially as well as spiritually, all i have to do is reach out and take it. so before this day heats up much more, i think i will take a jaunt around the neighborhood at 6.5 miles per hour and allow myself to hear what i need to hear to stay clean one more day.

∞ DT ∞