โ the recovery i find in this fellowship is a sure thing .
Posted: Fri, Jul 27, 2012 09:01:08 AM
by basing my life on it, i know i will keep growing.
a whole lot going on this morning and all of a sudden i feel like i am in a crunch for time. so a quick moment to breathe, and relax and gather myself, before jumping in, is just what i need to get rolling.
much better!
yes i remember coming to the rooms, and not wanting to be a part of, in fact, the last thing i wanted, i used to tell myself is to be one of the freaks in this freak show. everyone was so different from me, and there was no way that they could ever get me! i, for one, really did not get them. after all, what losers, choosing not to use, without being forced to do so, by outside forces, that was never going to be a reality for me! the irony of sitting here 15 years later, clean, and grateful for the recovery i have found, does not escape me in the slightest, in fact the thought of it makes me smile, especially sitting on this side of a fifth step. and so it goes…
what i am thinking about this morning, especially as i try and multi-task, is how fortunate i was to actually surrender, and open my mind to the possibility of life after active addiction, yes, i made the admission, i started to hang-out and learn what these so-called nut jobs had to offer me. what was it they gave me? a brand new way of living, and the best part is the ONLY commitment i had to make was to stay clean just for today! even that was a tough task, back in those days, but i did it and as the days pile up, i see that it was not just my uncontrollable usage of drugs that was the problem, it was the way i looked at the world, my place in that world and my inability to accept that as it was, that was the problem, using drugs was the solution that kept me somewhat sane.
so yes, i know, this is strictly a party line, sorry to disappoint, but that is just how it is, at least just for today.
a whole lot going on this morning and all of a sudden i feel like i am in a crunch for time. so a quick moment to breathe, and relax and gather myself, before jumping in, is just what i need to get rolling.
much better!
yes i remember coming to the rooms, and not wanting to be a part of, in fact, the last thing i wanted, i used to tell myself is to be one of the freaks in this freak show. everyone was so different from me, and there was no way that they could ever get me! i, for one, really did not get them. after all, what losers, choosing not to use, without being forced to do so, by outside forces, that was never going to be a reality for me! the irony of sitting here 15 years later, clean, and grateful for the recovery i have found, does not escape me in the slightest, in fact the thought of it makes me smile, especially sitting on this side of a fifth step. and so it goes…
what i am thinking about this morning, especially as i try and multi-task, is how fortunate i was to actually surrender, and open my mind to the possibility of life after active addiction, yes, i made the admission, i started to hang-out and learn what these so-called nut jobs had to offer me. what was it they gave me? a brand new way of living, and the best part is the ONLY commitment i had to make was to stay clean just for today! even that was a tough task, back in those days, but i did it and as the days pile up, i see that it was not just my uncontrollable usage of drugs that was the problem, it was the way i looked at the world, my place in that world and my inability to accept that as it was, that was the problem, using drugs was the solution that kept me somewhat sane.
so yes, i know, this is strictly a party line, sorry to disappoint, but that is just how it is, at least just for today.
∞ DT ∞