Blog entry for:

the way the members of the fellowship are living today is what counts. so i finally pulled the trigger of the gun i had aimed at the last service committee that i served on. after making a decision six weeks ago, i wait until the final hours to let them know. i will more than likely have a bit of 'splainin' to do, however i am grateful that i had the opportunity to be of service and have the opportunity to move on today.
yes, procrastination is still part of my modus operendi. i almost qualified that with a big BUT, i decided against in after a moment to pause. the fact is i did procrastinate in this respect. in fact, i procrastinate in many aspects of my life, especially those that i do not want to let go of, and believe if i do not say anything all will be taken care of for me.
i could certainly run on, on this topic, this morning i choose not to beat myself up about how i have behaved in the past, even if that past was only minutes ago. i have a TENTH STEP for that (LOL).
what was it really that attracted me to the fellowship all those years ago, once the misconceptions i adopted from the uninformed were finally blown to bits? that for once there was a single solution to the person i had become and even better to the person i had always been. finally i saw a path to a freedom that i had never imagined and once upon it i have never regretted it. so there is a daisy or two for all of you. yes this morning the cheerleader is taking over, as i am certain that i can walk away from something that i once clung tightly to. this position was me, and i allowed it to define me. it was noble, selfless and informed, and just as i was taught that my job was my identity, i came to believe that was the case with this as well. the fellowship is teaching me that i am more than a job, a bank account balance, the sum of my shiny toys or yes, gasp, even a service position. i can be okay, just being myself and when i strip away all the accoutrements of living, i have accumulated, that man can stand naked before the internal judge, jury and executioner and gleefully give the the middle finger salute!
that is what i am being given today, and that is what i accept, just for today. so it is off to my busy Saturday morning, to see what i can get done.

∞ DT ∞