Blog entry for:

in this world there seems to be no such creature. in my experience, however, i have found that IF i live by the spiritual principles of the recovery program i have been give, i certainly feel that i can maintain a life free of active addiction. if that was all i came here for, i would have been done with this gig, a very long time ago. in my experience, it is that way of living, that has given me a life where i can move beyond the humdrum existence that a life as an addict in active addiction had offered me. i did not come seeking a way to become a whole and better person, but that is what i got.
the past seven months have been tough on me, in may ways. a pandemic that stripped me of my social life, the death of my father, my mother's continuing struggle with her physical health and a dead-end job that has come to a conclusion. i have been an emotional wreck: angry, sad, scared and hopeless; and yet i have not used to change any of those feelings. no matter how devastated i have felt, i also maintained a bit of FAITH in the recovery program that has brought me to where i am today. that inkling of FAITH sustained me through the dark times and allowed me to honestly search for my next job. as that search went one and on, without me finding anything that fit or anyone who wanted to take a chance on me, i still kept that spark of FAITH and kept doing the next right thing. so here i am, nine days away from a trip to Greece that i did not see coming, less than a month away from starting my “dream job,” and the day after my tenth fourteener, musing about the nature of recovery. as many of my peers may say, that is a miracle. i see it as solid evidence that this recovery stuff works, when i live it and seek out the next right thing to do.
today, i start the process of learning the stack of my new employer, pushing another team to start the process of retiring the servers that are no longer required, see if i can run a few miles and meet one of the men that call me their sponsor, for a bit of step work. all in all, not a bad way to spend my day. do i recover? yes i do. am i “recovered?” certainly not today. i am willing to live a life of active recovery and be whatever kind of example of a recovering addict, i can be, just for today.

∞ DT ∞