Blog entry for:

active addiction and a better way of life, certainly a payoff worth the time and effort i have put into my recovery. here i sit in Sheridan, Wyoming, wondering if i should poke my Dad and get our little show on the road. there really is no hurry and i still want to take a bit of a walk, but we will see here after i get this task completed. i was obsessed about the only thing going seriously wrong in my life these days and falling to sleep happened after i sat and meditated for an additional fifteen minutes. i have sent off he e-mail saying i cannot take a loss on this transaction and chiding my so-called broker for filing to followup our phone conversation with an e-mail, so i can let it go and go about my journey to Bozeman, knowing it is up to them to figure this out.
sitting here this morning, i am certainly okay with where i am. i got to a meeting last night, and even though it was filled with “clean and sober” addicts from the local treatment center, the experience provided me the means to put my First World problems into perspective and let as much go as i can. i did not sneak out to a bar last night, to have “just one,– in fact that idea never crossed my mind. this morning, what is crossing my mind is as twenty minute walk a shower and a bit of nosh before continuing my journey with me Dad, oh yeah and perhaps a cigar for the road today. what is not consuming me today, is my obsession with how i am going to get the money back from the pit i have thrown it down, or how am i going to get to Bozeman before noon. i found a bit of balance alas i sat this morning and i am carrying it forward into this day.
as i was eating dinner with my Dad last night, i mentioned that i wanted to go to a meeting and he asked if that was still “working” for me. i replied in my usual smart-ass manner of course, “i have a life now!” i forget the non-addicted and what i see is totally different. my life looks “normal” i see as beyond my wildest dreams. what i judge to be amazing, they see as mundane. what i see as something to e grateful for, they seem to take for granted. i could go on, but why belabor the point. today i m FREE and willing to take whatever measures i need to take to remain that way.

∞ DT ∞