Blog entry for:

i live today is what counts.
when i get these little exercises started, i **cherry-pick** a line out of context that fit what i heard. this morning, it seems to be a continuation of a theme i started discussing with one of my peers yesterday afternoon. we spoke of how we could promote unity in the groups, even when there were members of the group we did not like. my peer spoke of acting as if everyone in the room was a friend, and pretending that everything between them was great. i wondered how honest that was and suggested an alternative that i have come to practice. i attempt treat everyone with the respect and courtesy that i desire to be treated with, no matter whether i like them or not.
it is not as if i had some HUGE revelation from on high, nor have i been possessed by an alien force. no for me anyhow, the realization about how i treat people came as i watched how the newest members reacted to my previous behavior of limiting my interactions with those peers with whom i had “issues.” those issues have not been resolved by any means, but how i respond to the feelings that arise when i interact with my peers, are now something i can respond to, rather than react passionately about. i admit i am an opinionated old cuss with a very long memory, who can build the smallest slight into a full-blown, justified resentment that requires the other party to make amends to me.
as selfishly self-centered as that sounds, there is a part of me that finds that highly acceptable. the way i live my life today, the cognitive dissonance between who i am and who i was, is quite jarring. when the who i was, pops back into action, it shocks the living crap out of me. after all, i “should” be better than this by now. so i trundle off into another day of doing my best to live a program and show those around me that “we do recover,” even the once hopeless ones, such as myself.

∞ DT ∞