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i enhance the joys and diminish the burdens of life in recovery. this is one of those readings that i could certainly jump on the band wagon about, and share extensively all the bumper stickers and slogans that are part of the recovery culture, i happen to be a member of these days. as i said, i could, however i do not think that is where i want to go this morning. there are other fish to fry, as the old saying goes, so let the frying begin.
it seems like my little petulant episode over the weekend, did not have the effect i wanted. instead of respect i got silence, and this morning, i am starting to think that may not be a bad thing. there are certainly days where my reactions to others need a bit of tempering, and there are days when they are spot on. i can second guess myself or i can just let it go, which for me, is certainly the way to go today.
it has been one of those weeks, where i am severely unmotivated to do much of anything and all i want to do is sit around and play silly computer games. this morning, while skipping my run, i have decided that my idle life is over and i will put my effort into doing what needs to be done. which means getting this done and hitting the road to see what is going on elsewhere.
last night after the meeting, one of my sponsees finally decided to talk to me. that was not unexpected, but the whole gig of pain to anger morphing that i have finally uncovered within me, rang true with what was going on with him. i guess it really is about shared experience and not just getting through each day clean. will i hear back from him, with a request for some time and direction, probably. will hear back today. perhaps, that too, is beyond my power. the lesson i keep getting these days, is just how powerless i am over these nauseatingly annoying character defects of mine. i really am getting to the point where letting go and allowing the change to happen, is only a breath away or maybe thousands breaths away, i really am not certain. what i DO know, this morning, is that i am tired of being the way i am -- aware and powerless.
not a whole lot of joy to spread around and the burden of carrying my crap, well i hope that i have not unloaded too much on any one of you guys. it is a good day to be clean and one that i am not going to fritter away with not doing the stuff i NEED to do.

∞ DT ∞