๐ my joys ๐ฅ
Posted: Sat, Sep 19, 2020 10:27:54 AM
and my burdens were never anything i treated as **equal** when i was using. my joys were something to brag about and **lord** over those with whom i hung, back in the day. my burdens were things to be deeply buried and never, ever to see the light of day. to say i was confused about what and how i shared when i got clean and long before i became a member, would be one of the largest understatements of 2020. even after i accepted my true nature and how desperate i was to be something more than just a drug addict, learning what and how to share my life in real-time was a struggle.
thinking about fellowship and the men who have been on my mind lately, i realize that my experience may be a guide, but i certainly cannot and certainly should not tell them what to do. i have no experience coming off “medically imposed” drug replacement therapy, nor do i have any experience with being locked down in a cell for months on end. i have, however, been placed in a spot where i have to provide guidance to men who find themselves in those situations. what i want to say and what i will say, are worlds apart, but the content of what i say cannot sugarcoat what i think, nor be edited so they do not “fire” me as their sponsor. in both cases being popular and being true to myself may be mutually exclusive and what came to me as i listened this morning was to stop complicating things and speak what i feel.
part of what i am feeling this morning comes from what i heard at the meeting i attended the other day, where one of my peers said they we were working STEP TEN and STEP TWO, formally, at the same time. i opened my mouth up and gave unsolicited advice, for which i have to make TENTH STEP correction. my “opinion ” on that matter, was and still is, why the fVck would anyone make recovery so complicated? it also leads to the path of my sponsee who is the ward of the state. my “duty” to him is to tell him what i see and ask him what he wants to do about it. it is also my duty to take care of myself and head on over to my home group to see if i can get an answer or three. it is a good day to be clean, and a better one to foll;ow the guidance of my heart, rather than my head.
thinking about fellowship and the men who have been on my mind lately, i realize that my experience may be a guide, but i certainly cannot and certainly should not tell them what to do. i have no experience coming off “medically imposed” drug replacement therapy, nor do i have any experience with being locked down in a cell for months on end. i have, however, been placed in a spot where i have to provide guidance to men who find themselves in those situations. what i want to say and what i will say, are worlds apart, but the content of what i say cannot sugarcoat what i think, nor be edited so they do not “fire” me as their sponsor. in both cases being popular and being true to myself may be mutually exclusive and what came to me as i listened this morning was to stop complicating things and speak what i feel.
part of what i am feeling this morning comes from what i heard at the meeting i attended the other day, where one of my peers said they we were working STEP TEN and STEP TWO, formally, at the same time. i opened my mouth up and gave unsolicited advice, for which i have to make TENTH STEP correction. my “opinion ” on that matter, was and still is, why the fVck would anyone make recovery so complicated? it also leads to the path of my sponsee who is the ward of the state. my “duty” to him is to tell him what i see and ask him what he wants to do about it. it is also my duty to take care of myself and head on over to my home group to see if i can get an answer or three. it is a good day to be clean, and a better one to foll;ow the guidance of my heart, rather than my head.
∞ DT ∞