Blog entry for:
Sat, Sep 19, 2009 07:33:53 AM
∞ i experience pleasures in recovery that, sometimes, only another addict can appreciate ∞
posted: Sat, Sep 19, 2009 07:33:53 AM
when i share these experiences with recovering addicts and they respond with similar stories, our joy is multiplied.
so i hit the positive side of this reading, instead of going with spreading the burden, as that is where i am this morning. as i sit here, running out of time before i trek eastward to participate in service, i am struck by how selfish i can be about holding the joy back. somewhere down the road i internalized the message that the newer members do not want to hear how things are going well for me, that "true" humility meant that i downplayed my joy for receiving the gifts of recovery, including but not limited to the feeling i get when i accomplish something i never accomplished before, or my achievements. every time i read this entry, i seem to go to sharing the burden of pain, and let it go at that. this last step cycle has moved me into a different place, and as a result, i see that the one dimensional sharing of just my pain does a disservice to me, the fellowship and the POWER that keeps me clean. being truly humble means spreading my joy as well as my pain. as i sit here writing this, i have had a realization. i see now, that when i share my pride in accomplishment, it feels like conceit and braggadocio, when if i keep to just the facts and live in gratitude it is being humble. the newer members need to hear that even in times of joy, or when i accomplish something, i can still stay clean, no matter what, as i was the sort of addict, who really did not need an excuse to use, BUT would use my feelings of joy, to rationalize using in that instance. in fact, i cannot remember a significant joyful event in my active addiction, that was not tempered by the haze of using.
yargh, what a trap!
so today, i will make the effort to share what i am really feeling, good bad and indifferent with those i care about, inside and outside of the fellowship.
so off to the showers and forward into the sunrise, just for today.
so i hit the positive side of this reading, instead of going with spreading the burden, as that is where i am this morning. as i sit here, running out of time before i trek eastward to participate in service, i am struck by how selfish i can be about holding the joy back. somewhere down the road i internalized the message that the newer members do not want to hear how things are going well for me, that "true" humility meant that i downplayed my joy for receiving the gifts of recovery, including but not limited to the feeling i get when i accomplish something i never accomplished before, or my achievements. every time i read this entry, i seem to go to sharing the burden of pain, and let it go at that. this last step cycle has moved me into a different place, and as a result, i see that the one dimensional sharing of just my pain does a disservice to me, the fellowship and the POWER that keeps me clean. being truly humble means spreading my joy as well as my pain. as i sit here writing this, i have had a realization. i see now, that when i share my pride in accomplishment, it feels like conceit and braggadocio, when if i keep to just the facts and live in gratitude it is being humble. the newer members need to hear that even in times of joy, or when i accomplish something, i can still stay clean, no matter what, as i was the sort of addict, who really did not need an excuse to use, BUT would use my feelings of joy, to rationalize using in that instance. in fact, i cannot remember a significant joyful event in my active addiction, that was not tempered by the haze of using.
yargh, what a trap!
so today, i will make the effort to share what i am really feeling, good bad and indifferent with those i care about, inside and outside of the fellowship.
so off to the showers and forward into the sunrise, just for today.
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 2
3) He who possesses the mother of the state may continue long. His
case is like that (of the plant) of which we say that its roots are
deep and its flower stalks firm:--this is the way to secure that its
enduring life shall long be seen