Blog entry for:

of being an addict have come home to roost over the past three days. i have been so wrapped up in myself, my needs and my desires that i have totally abandoned most of what i know, especially when it comes to being present for those with whom i share my life. it is not as if this is my first day clean or that i am suffering from a bout of active addiction, it is just that i have not been who i want to be. of the excuses could fly and fill pages and pages of rationalizations and justifications, even perhaps a quick editing of my recent past to make my behaviors more “acceptable.” all of them may be true, but i would not move out of this funky state of being, as i would pardon myself for being such a dick.
as i drove in this morning, i decided, at least unconsciously that maybe i could start on my spiritual uplift by allowing those i share the road with, the benefit of the doubt and slowing my roll. taking the judgement out, certainly helped, although my foot was still more than a bit heavy on the accelerator. when i arrived at work, i certainly was a better balanced than i have been in a few days. the oddest part about slipping into that place in the first place was that i was clueless about getting there and even more clueless about how to behave when i found myself living in oblivious self-absorption. what came out of my quiet time this morning was a need to check where i am and where i need to be, and spiritually that is a step forward in the correct direction.
the time has come for me to put this aside and get caught up on my work. yeah, that would be the excuse i could use for being so out of a spiritual flow, i am up against a self-impose deadline and not making the progress i feel i “need” to make. so it off to the coffee bar to get some caffeine and a few more steps and into finishing the training i have been doing to “refresh” my skills in the places they have gone rusty over the past few months. it is a great day to own my responsibility and make the changes necessary to live up to being the sort of person i aspire to be.

∞ DT ∞