Blog entry for:

first off i must apologize for missing the opportunity to wax poetically about relationships yesterday afternoon. i was being lazy and avoided the computer all day.
today's reading was about relationships too, if you think about it, mainly the relationships i have in the fellowship of the program.
i am soooooo grateful that i have a place to puke up all the stuff that is tearing me apart, and that the people there will not think any less of me.
on the other hand i am also grateful for a place to share my joy and excitement about what is going on in my life and once again not be judged for being happy and excited.
the true gift however is that these people look at life the way i do and understand when i am truly grateful that i made it through today, clean, regardless of what events, good or bad, that i may have experienced over the course of the day. these people were here when i was learning to grieve when my first grandma passed when i had barely 60 days clean. the love and the hope they provided is still immeasurable today. they held me, and let me know it was okay to cry. they kept comforting me and kept saying that this too shall pass, but most of all they listened and shared what experience, strength and hope they could.
today i am going through a similar process. one of my sponsorship brothers is dying and will be dead in less than a year if he cannot find a suitable live l;iver transplant donor. i will start the the testing process tomorrow to see if i can be that donor and part of me keeps hoping that i will be found unsuitable, then of course there is another part of me that hopes that i am the one that matches so he can remain a part of my life for longer than a year. so here i have two competing selfish desires and it is starting to make me nutz. but for today i will just leave the whole shit bag in GOD'S hands and enjoy whatever the day brings.
-- DT --