Blog entry for:

in my life, i do not have to experience anything alone.
break out the unicorns and daisies, here i come!
seriously though, as flowery as this may all sound, when i came to recovery, i did everything alone. although there was little joy and a whole lot of bitter disappointment in my life, i certainly BELIEVED i could handle it all. i was stoic and strong and the troubles i had, were just my burden to bear, but i had an ace in the hole, the next bag, just sitting there ready to be used. who needed to be open, honest and share their lives with others, when there was a next “get high,” within arm's reach.
and then i got clean. that process, or event actually, as i stopped using for a single reason and what i saw as a temporary condition, revealed the need within, to have others in my life. denying that need took me to all sorts of interesting places, and in the long run, i finally came to a place of acceptance and grudgingly started the process of opening up my life to others. when i stumble across this reading, in my annual cycle, i still see how far i have to go, to being the sort of person i want to be. there is still a need in me to minimize my burdens and maximize my accomplishments. even as i move towards the ideal of being an example, instead of hiding in the shadows or crowing, i still see this area of my life, as one that needs further work.
today, just for today, i can be okay with who i am, allow myself the freedom to allow others to share my joy and my burdens and live another day clean.

∞ DT ∞