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and my sorrows are lessened by sharing the bad. for the first time in my life, i do not have to experience anything alone.
so as i get to the end of what i though was extra time this morning, i am amazed by how quickly this time does pass. yes i did get a bunch of stuff accomplished and yes i have a bunch of stuff left to do before i head down to Broomfield, not the least of those tasks is this exercise. as it is, this is one piece of my life that is getting the short shrift, and needs a bit more attention from me, as i finally get my act together and work in all that needs to be worked in to my life.
enough of the whiny griping about how this and that i am, the truth is, i am happy, my life is full and i feel something i have not felt for quite some time, a bit of self-respect, in that i am supporting myself, and doing better than i have in quite some time. i asked the POWER that fuels my recovery for a solution, and let that solution appear by doing the footwork and BOOM here i am wanting to have less of the solution and more of my old life back. sounds pretty ungrateful to me, as i really look at it!
what does any of that have with spreading the joy and the pain? you know i am not quite sure. i do know that when i learned to actually share what was going on inside of me, with the fellowship, a huge burden was lifted from my spiritual back and i got a freedom i never though was possible. i was less burdened with self and part of something greater. part of my little fit of pique over the weekend was because i FORGOT, that i have tools and the i am powerless and that i have a HIGHER POWER that can relieve me of my so-called bright ideas, IF i avail myself to IT. i also have people in my life that care for me, and WILL help me carry the load, as i help them carry theirs. that whole idea seems like an piece of my life before recovery, as favors were payment of savings that always led to more connection and debts than i was willing to bear. today, spreading the pain, or even better helping to relieve the pain of my friends, associates and fellow travelers, is not something i do, because i expect repayment in kind. most of the time it comes from a place of selflessness, i can give because i have the resources to give and IF i get anything in return it is a BONUS. with that in mind it is time to shower and shave off the detritus of another day of life and hit the trail to the office. i can share the burden and spread the joy, all without any expectation of return, at least right here and right now, let me see how well i can practice that in the so-called real world.

∞ DT ∞