Blog entry for:

in FAITH that the POWER that fuels my has only the best in store for me. well i flew out of the house this morning, and figured i would have some down time, to write this a bit later, well later is here and i am not really feeling really inspired to write anything.
if i write about FEAR, i may reveal how human i really am, and BOOM there go all the appearances i try so hard to maintain. if i write about FAITH, i feel hypocritical, because i seldom walk in FAITH. yes, like most of my peers my days are a careful negotiation between FEAR and FAITH, and walking that tight-wire, as it were seems to be my greatest task. so the road before me looks very clear, write about how the negotiations are going and see where it leads.
am i fearful, right here and right now? no not really, i am writing this, doing a bit of babysitting a computer OS install and just being okay, doing one thing at a time. yes, there is a pile of work on my desk, yes there are only so many hours left in this weekend and yes, more than likely i will have stuff undone when i go to bed tomorrow evening, BUT i know that everything will be okay and that is a product of my capricious FAITH. when i am there i am there and the world is a beautiful place to be in, regardless of what is happening in the here and now. but when that pendulum swings back towards its spiritual opposite, well look out world, because self-will is about to take over.
FAITH = GOD''s will => true will
FEAR = self-will
yes that is how the equations work in my life
remembering that, while handy, is not always where i go some of time FEAR overwhelms me, some of the time i am afraid of what letting go and living in FAITH will entail, although the consequences of living in FEAR are always more heinous than those of living in FAITH, i get stuck in believing that i have some power and can control those consequences if only i…
and there you have it, the battle for supremacy in my magically and miraculously magnifying mind, is never over, no matter how many time i decide to stop fighting. just for right now, i think i will stop fighting, get on with my task today and see how much of the pile i can work through as the day wears on. life is awfully good today, even though it is snowing and cold outside my window. i have work to do, i have money in my bank account, i have people in my life who love and respect just the way i am and more importantly i have the structure in my life that a program of active recovery has given me. and yes, i am more on the FAITH side of the equation right now, so i am going to go with that and get done what i can get done. it is a great day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞