Blog entry for:

afraid to feel emotional pain, of any sort. not that i am so **recovered** today that i am NEVER afraid of feeling emotional pain, BUT i do have the FAITH in the program that **this too, shall pass** and emotional pain will not kill me. here is where i can start the clichés and platitudes about how i can get through anything clean. while that is true, the FEAR i feel these days, when i allow others into my life, is just the echoes of those ancient stories that i am not worth letting others in, because everyone is out to get me.
i am a bit late today in writing this. i got my weekly chores done, helped my significant other with a bit of late season gardening, got my mileage ion and ran to the “Super Store” to stock up on stuff we use. as the day progressed, what i felt this morning, morphed into a bit of gratitude.
WARNING there may be a rainbow or daisy popping out here.
yes, right now i am calm and feeling very grateful for the changes that have been manifest within my life. it does help that my fantasy football team is doing well, as well, but i felt that before a close friend called me up and told me that i was “kicking some football ass.” when i take an honest look at where i am, and filter out those ancient tales of woe that have become my “TRUTH,” i can see that i really am doing better emotionally and spiritually than i would like to admit. it is false humility that drives my self-deprecation. it is conceit and ego that drives my braggadocio. today, i am somewhere in between and able to feel okay, just for right now.

∞ DT ∞