Blog entry for:

and consideration, seem to have been missing from my spiritual lexicon at the service meeting last night. i made my TENTH STEP admissions and spent the night fuming and fretting over events that i allowed myself to take ownership of and i regret that decision. i can honestly say that treating a bully in the manner i was treated really did not work for me and it is perhaps time to tender a resignation and move down into the trenches. i can say this, i do not like being treated in a condescending manner or patronized and my tossing and turning was my reaction to that shabby treatment. the worst part is that i am pretty sure that they did not even realize what they were doing and are clueless about their part, if any, in the fiasco last night.
this morning as i “contemplated my navel,” and finally let go of the load of shite i had been carrying, i saw that when i choose to act in FEAR, i lose. i have enough stuff going on in my life today and i certainly do not need to add anymore. there is a part of me that still has the desire to seek redress from those who have wronged me. part of that is just to pick up y toys and get the hell out of Dodge, in a petulant frenzy. another part of me, is saying to wait, let go and listen with my heart, which for this addict is not an easy course of action to take. where i am sitting right here and right now, is to listen to the quiet and seek a balance that i allowed to be upset last night, after all, i too, have dope-fiended something in, because i believed it “had to be done.”
what is my next course of action? first off, to post this little ditty and get out for some exercise. finish my research on the can of worms i opened last night. get my tasks completed for work. pay off a personal debt and be present for whatever happens as this day unfolds. it may not be all that i want it to be, but just for today, i believe that i can move beyond my selfish wants and desires and allow the world to spin as it will.

∞ DT ∞