Blog entry for:

of as much spiritual dead-weight as possible. along any resentments i happen to be carrying, a few smoldering spiritual emotional issues as well, before they oh so magically morph into resentments. it certainly was an interesting day yesterday, i did a THIRD STEP with one sponsee, and another i told he needed to take some initiative to show some willingness, or the relationship would end by his choice. i will see what the consequences of that particular message to the black-hole happens to bring. i chose sending the message in a form that allows him the out of plausible deniability, however i can see that he got it, and when he looked at it, so he can pretend that he did not get the message, and i will allow him to do so, after all, this is about his program not mine. i NEEDED to say something to relieve the crap that was starting to build up in my spirit, now i can let go and allow whatever needs to happen, to happen. to put my behavior in context of this morning's reading, i saw a pretty rock, picked it up, looked at it, weighed it and decided to put it back down, because i had no desire to add to thew weight i was already carrying.
although i generally find most of the metaphors used to illustrate the various principles of the program, trite, cheesy and more than a bit of a stretch, this is one that makes perfect sense to me, from the very first time i read it, right up to today. maybe i am more tolerant about resentments metaphors in general, or i perhaps i see how resentments, justified or not burden with necessarily, and worst of all BY MY OWN CHOICE! yes, that is the rub, as the three disturbing realizations drives home, “i can no longer blame people places or things for my behaviors.”
yes, i volunteer for resentments and that ticks me off! i get resentful at myself for carrying resentments and the morass of crud just keeps getting worse. the solution, just drop them all off, forgive myself for being human and nursing my grudges into resentments and most of all, let go of what was done to me and accept that stuff happens. i mean seriously, do i really need to spin down into the hell of active addiction over what i perceived as harm? the simple answer is: not today! today, i can take responsibility for how i react to my feelings and how i behave. today, i can tell someone else, that they need to try or the relationship will go nowhere. today i can stand up for myself and be counted, without trampling over anyone else in the process. and most importantly i can choose not to pick up another token of my resentments and maybe, yes maybe, even put a few of them down. all of this and so much more, is the promise of a program of active recovery.
the fruits of the seeds i planted yesterday, have yet to be revealed, in the meantime, i will let go and accept that there is more going on here than i can see, explain or predict, i just need to live in FAITH, that it is what it is and that is how it is supposed to be.

∞ DT ∞