± sometimes i need something ±
Posted: Wed, Mar 11, 2015 11:42:14 AM
tangible to help me understand. thinking of resentment as stones, is certainly an interesting construct, and one i have used in the past when looking at my own stuff. this morning, however, i am in a different space, and the resentment have been dealing with, have vanished into the background noise. the issue i am dealing with today, is my ability to shut down that background noise twice a day when i am “sitting.”
my TENTH STEP last night was littered with other people's stuff, as it has been for the past few weeks as i processed through the resentments that had risen to my conscious self. today, as sit here t work working this topic over and over again in my head, i am starting to get a clue. this is and has been about being powerless. once again, i am in a state where i believe that applying my personal power t the walls i see in front of me, will open up a passage through to the other side. just like the proverbial ram, pounding my head against the immovable object, may eventually get me through. the message i am getting however, when the pain subsides, is stop, step back, and look for the freakin' door, as there is bound to be one. it may not yet be visible, or i might have to step even further back, or it may be that i am not quite ready to find a way through, which for me, really sucks.
as i sit here at work this morning trying to decide if i am going to ask to move out of support and into development, i am facing a similar issue, namely which way do i fly, but more importantly do i really need to decide that today? the answer i keep getting is just sit on my hands, do nothing but my job to the best of my ability and allow events to unwind as they will.
anyhow, time to return my attention to work and let this go for now. perhaps as the day winds own, and i deal with what i need to, in the here and now, i will be able to sit quietly tonight and listen, without spinning my tales of woe and glory.
my TENTH STEP last night was littered with other people's stuff, as it has been for the past few weeks as i processed through the resentments that had risen to my conscious self. today, as sit here t work working this topic over and over again in my head, i am starting to get a clue. this is and has been about being powerless. once again, i am in a state where i believe that applying my personal power t the walls i see in front of me, will open up a passage through to the other side. just like the proverbial ram, pounding my head against the immovable object, may eventually get me through. the message i am getting however, when the pain subsides, is stop, step back, and look for the freakin' door, as there is bound to be one. it may not yet be visible, or i might have to step even further back, or it may be that i am not quite ready to find a way through, which for me, really sucks.
as i sit here at work this morning trying to decide if i am going to ask to move out of support and into development, i am facing a similar issue, namely which way do i fly, but more importantly do i really need to decide that today? the answer i keep getting is just sit on my hands, do nothing but my job to the best of my ability and allow events to unwind as they will.
anyhow, time to return my attention to work and let this go for now. perhaps as the day winds own, and i deal with what i need to, in the here and now, i will be able to sit quietly tonight and listen, without spinning my tales of woe and glory.
∞ DT ∞