Blog entry for:

spiritual development is certainly something i wish to eliminate in my life, and yet, at times, i am still my own worst enemy. it seems that no matter how far away i attempt to get from the fiasco dog and pony show that i was a part of in December, the more i get dragged back into the fray. i have come to the conclusion that for me, the best path forward is just to accept what comes barreling down the road at me, remember that i have a valid opinion and that even though it was not heard, i expressed it and now have moved on with my life. every single time i revisit those feelings, i “get” have them work me over once again. what i am looking for, is the means to forgive and just move on, outside of the wreckage of someone else's self-will run riot. today, i am resolved to breathe and allow the hike in the frozen mountains to release some of my stress and angst over an issue that keeps reminding m,e how powerless i am, especially when it comes to those who have already determined that they are “right.”
i remember the days when i was never wrong, and there is a wry smile of amusement on my face as i contemplate who i was back then. it would be nice to say that when i finally came to recovery, those days were behind me. the facts are not quite that simple. i had to work steps and learn how to live them, before i woke up and smelled the coffee of seeing that i hardly knew anything and that there were others throughout my life, past and present, who had lessons to teach me. i was the one who was close-minded and unwilling to accept the truth that i just might be in the wrong.
time, step work and living a program has changed that, for the most part. i accepted a decision even though the decision-making process was flawed as shit. i have no regrets about that. i have also distanced myself from the toxic person, that can send me over the brink, into all sorts of demeaning and disrespectful behaviors and i do not want to carry the burdens of those sins these days. finally i am still asking for the strength to move along and leave them in the dust of their self-made dung pile and enjoy life free from the responsibility of having to deal with them at any level. that plan works for the most part, all i have to do, is let it. the burden of carrying their shit, is far more than i am willing to do, just for today, so perhaps i can drop it off in Rocky Mountain National Park, as i hike through the snow and cold today.

∞ DT ∞