Some memes

i seem to forget what a spiritual burden each resentment i carry can be. yes sometimes my anger is justified and after all anger is just another emotion to be experienced and dealt with in the here and now. my problem is that i can carry anger for hours, days and yes even years. i was once told in early recovery that anger may become a resentment if i do let it go. the questions my sponsor used to ask all the time, what do you feel when you think about....? how much do you think about... in the course of your day? do you lay awake at night thinking about....? substitute the ... with the object of my anger and you see that i have turned hurt, disappointment and anger into a resentment, that i carry with me. each time i do a fourth step it amazes me that i still have resentments against people, situations and institutions that have not been present in my life for a long time. and of course the fifth step relieves me of those burdens. waiting for a fourth and fifth step to unburden myself no longer is acceptable to me. i try and deal with me anger and disappointments in the here and now through the process of talking with my sponsor and letting go of, not swallowing my anger. and you know i do a pretty good job of it, i have not perfected this process yet, and i probably never will, but i am better about it today. i do realize today that carrying a resentment is my choice and i choose to move on with my life. my spiritual growth is far to important to me to allow it to be stymied by resentment.
∞ DT ∞