Blog entry for:

the harm, anyhow?
The day of moving from tropical to temparate climes is upon me, and I have a resentment from the seals staff that stole the few hours we grudgingly allowed them to steal. Yes, no victims here, but this little bit of volunteerism left a bitter taste in my mouth and a huge resentment.
Is the resentment justified, probably. I could choose to go into a very long and detailed explanation of how fVcking terrible they are to the very people who give them an income. It really was not unexpected that when we said on thank you and did not make a counter-offer that they would become cold, rude and yes even nasty to us. After all did they not just buy us breakfast and spend two whole hours explaining how they were there to help us keep what we have? So their time wasted, our time wasted and no one except us came out with the result we desired. Their lack of courtesy at the end was just bad behavior and it certainly does not of=de well for future interactions with the sales staff as we move further into our contract. It may be the last time we get a view of the ocean from our room.
So as I pound this out, I really wonder in it worth carrying forward. Sure it is a very minor resentment and more than justified, but is this a “pebble” I desire to make part of my daily load? Well, when I leave here today, ll I really want to carry home is a shit-ton of snapshots, a overly tanned hide and memories of how much fun and serenity I had while doing absolutely nothing at all., oh yeah and a few Cuban cigars :). The experience of yesterday morning and all my angst leading up to it, well I choose to pitch that shite into the proper receptacle -- the bit bucket of undesirables -- as I have no desire to let that experience be my guide for the rest of my my time off.
Sure it is easy to let little tiny resentments go, especially since it will probably be another year before I see any of those fVckers again, but what about all of those others I am carrying? There are still a opulent of recovery tourists, I cannot stand to be in the same room with, and more than one poser who is all about looking good. Are those resentments or defensive mechanisms? Interesting how quickly I can change things around when I do not want to take on any responsibility. The truth is with the tourists, there is envy and jealousy, which I wrap up in self-righteous indignation and sell to myself and others as evidence that I am some sort of spiritual guru, as I can speak to my own experience without resorting to the “you” and “we” tactics of generalization and giving advice. The actual truth is I want the Kool-Ade they are selling, staying clean and not doing anything to maintain their program. I want the love and adoration they get when they do show up and want to appear whole, successful and above the fray as they seem to. The fact. Plain and simple I that I tried living that sort of program and was far from being anything close to spiritual and what they really deserve is my pity and not my scorn. Yes, this is a big one to drop into the bit bucket, but certainly one worthwhile to work on. With that in mind, I will wrap this up, go hop in the shower and start wending my way towards my home, it is after ll a good day to just be me.

∞ DT ∞