Some memes

journey continues. sitting in my home group meeting this morning, i was a little put off, that the featured speaker was going to be someone i would rather never hear share again. in reality, because i knew i might react, i took the time to center myself, quiet my mind and allow myself the freedom to be present. it worked and i could actually share myself, without cross-talk or reacting to some sort of trigger. today, my journey is not that heinous, as i listened to yet another retelling of my peer''s origin story, i thought of my own and how denial played a huge part in keeping me from gathering anything from the rooms, when i was in my phase of mere abstinence. my journey, way back when, may have been ongoing, but it was going nowhere at a glacial pace. i had more than enough FEAR and just enough FAITH to keep coming back, until the switch in my head flipped and i was ready to actually do this recovery gig.
it was not as if i started sprinting after that “event,” but i did start moving towards a different manner in which to live and for once, starting to take a bit of responsibility for my life. that journey has led me to a place where i can see that there really is no “end game.” i am now and always will be an addict, who is prone to fall into obsessive and compulsive patterns and behaviors that can and will make my life unmanageable once again. my playing around with AI is certainly ;leaning in that direction and the only reason my life is not unmanageable;le, is that i am retired, so i have time to play around!
anyhow i have to call Medicare and see what i may need to change for the next upcoming year and get off my computer, as i have spent enough time playing around for this week. it is a good day to be clean and to see that i still have a path forward out of the weeds, if i choose to follow it.

∞ DT ∞