Blog entry for:

guide me in my recovery.
show me how to live.
well i got quite a surprise the other evening when a friend said they had not heard about the job opportunity that did not move forward. i had shared openly at meetings, talked with other friends and people in my life and purposefully left that information out of this little exercise, just in case…
yes i know a bit paranoid there, and maybe it served me well. this whole process of being courted, interviewed and waiting, was an exercise in letting go, as the final word came 10 days later than originally promised, and although i could have let it drive me nuts, i was curiously unattached to the final outcome. in fact, i just got up, did my thing, went to work, and lived my life, without doing more than a second or so about wondering what was going to happen. put into that context, it is no wonder that my friend did not know, because they never had the opportunity of learning that knowledge. we attend different meetings and as i was letting it go, as it were, there was not a whole lot of internal drama or angst, that i needed to process. i also have backed way off, on how often and how much i share in meetings these days. i have come to the conclusion, that sharing just to hear the sound of my own voice, is not part of who i see myself as today. sharing for the newcomer, is also not part of that vision. and parroting the party line, with clichés and bumper stickers, is also not part of that vision. what that ends up being, at least in the here and now, is that i really have to have the desire, and i need to share earlier, rather than later in the meeting, so i am not tempted to cross-share or share at someone. i have this forum to do so, as it is all about me.
so how did i reach this state, at least in respect to this opportunity to advance my career? i am not quite sure. as little as two or three months ago, when heads were rollings to the left and right of me, i would have been all over this: worrying, fretting, studying and practicing and polishing up, so i would look better than just okay, i would look like the exact, perfect and ideal new employee they were about to hire. i allowed myself to step back and allow the POWER that fuels my recovery, to take over, is certainly mysterious and must be a symptom of my ongoing spiritual growth, at least in this instance.
speaking of which, the job that i currently am present at, still requires me to be there every day, so i think i will end this little bit of random brains dump, by saying that based on my experience in this regard, perhaps when the next big thing comes barreling down the pike at me, i can take the time to have a bit of FAITH, that the POWER that fuels my recovery, will provide for my needs and perhaps some of my wants, if i just let go and allow It to do ITs gig, as well.

∞ DT ∞