Blog entry for:

different options may become evident when i CHOOSE to see that i do not KNOW all the answers. this morning as i bask in the near glow of a possible win in my fantasy football league and not owing any friends or peers any money, i know that perhaps i look for the clouds far too much and miss the silver linings. flashing back to the speaker the other night, now that i have moved through my bias and emotional attachment to who she was, i am beginning to get what she was trying to tell me. on the surface it was about the external world and its interactions with the part of me i call addiction. on a deeper level, what i heard is that i am an addict through and through, and i have the opportunity, through living the TWELVE STEPS to be a better, more giving and loving person.
yesterday, as i sat smoking a huge cigar and watching football, i felt i was exactly where i needed to be. my laundry was washed, fluffed, folded and stowed away. i had completed my 14,000 steps for the day and polished off 64 fluid ounces of water. all of the external and physical parts of my life had been taken care of, and i allowed myself the freedom to chill and watch the home team, stink up their Mile High stadium. all of that made for a day that allowed me to be a participant in my life as well as do very little at all. today i feel spiritually connected and intellectually charged and ready to roll into this week at work. i may not have hit any jackpots in the nation wide games off no chance, but i really do not buy those tickets with the expectation of hitting it big. i would not, however, cry and complain about what a burden millions of dollars now present to my life, if my some fluke i was “lucky” enough to win.
as i prepare to get out and hit the streets on this very warm November morning, i “know” that there is a huge mountain of stuff i do not know, including what thew next few hours may bring. i know, that for this addict, a life based on the the TWELVE STEPS is paying off. i now know that when i need to use the corrective part of STEP TEN, that the words “but” and “because” diminish, minimize and dilute the value of my owning my wrongs. i also know that if i do not get moving, i will not get the miles under my belt, that i have the desire to get, this morning. it is a good day to be clean and allow my self the freedom to just let go.

∞ DT ∞