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be driven to the point of distraction, before i let go and listen for a solution? sadly the answer to that question, is every now and again. i forget that i have a path to getting what i need and i forget that all that i desire, is not necessarily all that i need. 😢 i am quite certain that when i stop, take a breath and allow my heart to catch up with my head, most of the time stuff just works out. case in point, i hosed my fantasy football season by panicking in the early season and pitching some awesome players into the shit pile. now those players are scoring big for all of my opponents. had i waited, accepted a few losses early in the season as inevitable, i might have more than a single win. now i am spilling tears into my coffee, instead of celebrating with a very expensive cigar.
the topic of letting go, has been a theme in my recovery, from the very beginning. after my first meeting and treatment, i worked the system to keep using and fronting recovery. the results? well it was eight weekends as a “WorkEnder,” a start over of my probation sentence and a huge kick in the ass from me, myself and i (see yesterday). once i got clean and was going through the motions during my “mere abstinence” phase, i worked so hard to get everyone to believe that i was a “born again” addict-alcoholic. pretty sure that did not work, but it did drive me to distraction and i finally let go of my resistance to recovery. and so it goes…
this morning, as i prepare to step out into the frigid Colorado morn, i know that i get the best results when i make a plan and allow it to be altered as it unfolds. i would like to say that i do not plan an outcome, but i always have a specific one in mind. what i do today is to look, watch and listen to the world around me and accept that maybe, what i want is not what i need. yes three hundred million dollars would be great and i will buy the possible ticket to that outcome this morning on my way to the cigar store. mi will not, however, start trying to figure pout how to spend that money, as the chances are quite slim that i will buy that golden ticket. i am certainly okay with that, just for today and i will walk in the sunlight of the spirit, seeking the next correct thing to do.

∞ DT ∞