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manipulation on my part will fix most situations. letting go and allowing the solution to be presented to me, is, according to the reading this morning, the best course of action for me. now that i have restated what i heard, as faithful parrots often do, what is it that i really heard this morning as i allowed myself to escape from the travails of my overactive head space?
looking at my life over the past six months, i can see that finally, what i started has come to a conclusion and certainly was worth all that i paid for it, and i am not just talking about the $10,000.00 we added on top of our refinance. all the time, decisions, hassle and angst i have put myself through, starting with the very first act of getting “right” with an immovable object, as it were. there was a bit of manipulation in that six months and certainly more than a little self-will, to say anything different would be a bald-faced lie. and yet, in the long run, things turned out exactly as i had hoped, way back when. we have a lower interest rate, shaved five years off our mortgage, the flooring in our house now suits the both of us, and house has a fresh coat of paint, not quite what i envisioned way back when, but certainly an very desirable outcome.
looking ahead to the next few months, the next task on my plate is to give my current employers everything i can, while i am “on the clock” and keep up my active search for something different. i really do want to find some “passion” for what i do for a living again. this is something i cannot “fake it, until i make it.” that does not mean that i have to take out my less than stellar feelings on those around me or choose to let my co-workers pick up my tasks. no it means i have to LET GO, acknowledge my feelings, surrender to the fact that i have a well-paying job and earn the ducats they are throwing at me, by participating in what is going on.
today, i can be okay knowing that i may not see what is coming down the pike, but if i set a goal and do the footwork, things will work out for me. i can run through my life, as if my house is on fire, or i can take what power i have and use it to get what i NEED to get, just for today.

∞ DT ∞