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well it truely has been my experience that i do not have the ability to manage my own life. this has been made abundantly clear over the past couple of weeks and it inspired me to do some more writing on my step.
this morning, nothing has really changed, i still am at the job, i am still living separately from my significant other, my router is still hosed and some of the people in my life are swirling in chaos. but you know what, none of that stuff is currently within my power to fix, at least not today! and that acceptance allows me to start the process of letting go and letting THE POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS to take care of me.
letting go is never an easy process, but today it is a hell of lot better than the alternative -- being pissed off because things are not going my way.
i am tired of being angry all the time. i am tired of expecting moere and getting less. and most of all i am tired of trying to control, direct and manipulate people, places and things to suit my itsy-bitsy opinion of how things should be.
so off i go, back to the trenches with an understanding that it actually is not my job to work the world over to fit my desires. it is my job to accept what comes, be grateful that i get to draw another breath, and live according to a plan beyond my comprehension. and i do believe that right here, right now, i am ready to let go and see what happens!
∞ DT ∞