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in the long run, no amount of manipulation on my part will change a situation.okay, so i have to let go and go with the flow, in a spiritual sense, that is. a wonderful sentiment and one that i can even ascribe to in moments of surrender. HOWEVER being the control freak i am, or was, this is something that is tough for me to do. after all, i am a solution provider, in my professional work, and when i walked into the rooms in the lives of everyone else. learning to let go, has been a long and seemingly infinitely drawn out process for me. i want what i want, when i want it, DAMMIT!
there is not a whole lot of HOPE in the previous paragraph, and i would be guilty of living in false pride, if i did not step back and qualify that. yes i still want what i want, yes i am impatient when i seem to see that i am not getting what i want. and yes, i still know how to manipulate and control situations to further my end goal, getting what i want when i want it. all that being said, i have also come to the place, when i feel frustrated or stuck, i can step back and look at whether or not i have any POWER in that particular situation. honestly, most of the time i do not. life is not like a piece of code, where a single semi-colon can make it run like i want it to. no for me life is more like a black box, it runs in its own mysterious ways and i am clueless as to what is really going to come out from the box on the other side. so letting go, and walking with a bit of FAITH has to be the solution for me. FAITH and PATIENCE were not attributes i had in abundance when i walked into the rooms, and as i practice the principles of this program day by day, i learn how to do this FAITH gig a little bit better. as i learn how to walk in FAITH or crawl in FAITH, as the case may be, i learn little by little to let go of the outcome. as i learn to let go, i see that what i think i NEED, is actually something i just want, and what i get most of the time is exactly what i NEED. it really is quite that simple, today anyhow.
so i do have some problems to solve today, that are problems i have some power over, therefor it is time to hop in the shower and see what i can accomplish. the snow will fall, i will shovel the walks and driveway again, but i understand that like the weather. life is something i have to sense the flow of and allow myself to go with that flow. after all, my previous experience with this whole going with the flow gig, is that i have never regretted doing just that. the results may not match my desires, but in the long run, they are just what need to happen.

∞ DT ∞