ยข addiction, drugs, and recovery ยข
Posted: Sat, Dec 14, 2013 02:52:52 PM
so as the title suggests, here is my two cents on this topic. first off, before i get rolling this may or may not be straight and narrow down the party line, but forewarned is forearmed. the second caveat, this is my opinion, right here and right now, it WILL change later and that later may be as short as 60 minutes from now or maybe never. with the disclaimers out of the way i am ready to roll.
so after a meeting and starting a very long project, i am finally ready to write this.not quite sure where i was going when i started this, but now, well, time will tell.
so coming to terms with the fact that i am an addict, was not the easiest thing i ever did. although the fellowship has a simple way, the disease concept, for me to do so, i was not ever sold on that. i am still not sold on that today. yes i am an addict. yes i am not like the other 85% of humanity. whether i was born that way or not, is of little consequence today, i just accept that as fact. the evidence of my flawed thinking, continues to pile-up and i have come to see that, no matter how long i stay clean, i am still subject to flawed thinking. therefore i need something to keep myself from doing stuff that limits my choices today. yes, i can see that when i make decisions that limit my choices, i am participating in addict behavior. it is only when i decide that maybe, today, i will do something that expands my choices am i thinking like the other 85% of the human world.
of course that is the run is it not? how do i know when i am walking that fine line between the sanity of recovery and the insanity of addiction, especially when i am not using? the answer is i DO NOT, that is where my sponsor, my sponsees, and my peers in recovery come in. they certainly will let me know when i am not quite right, all i have to do is pay attention. after all, it is through them that the POWER that fuels my recovery, speaks to me. unlike St Joan, i do not hear voices telling me what to do, at least not voices in my head.
anyhow, i am losing my train of thought, so i will sign-off by saying that Seasonally Affected Depression or not, i am doing the best i can, just for today. that is more than i can say about any other time in my life, before i started this path to becominmg the man i never was.
so after a meeting and starting a very long project, i am finally ready to write this.not quite sure where i was going when i started this, but now, well, time will tell.
so coming to terms with the fact that i am an addict, was not the easiest thing i ever did. although the fellowship has a simple way, the disease concept, for me to do so, i was not ever sold on that. i am still not sold on that today. yes i am an addict. yes i am not like the other 85% of humanity. whether i was born that way or not, is of little consequence today, i just accept that as fact. the evidence of my flawed thinking, continues to pile-up and i have come to see that, no matter how long i stay clean, i am still subject to flawed thinking. therefore i need something to keep myself from doing stuff that limits my choices today. yes, i can see that when i make decisions that limit my choices, i am participating in addict behavior. it is only when i decide that maybe, today, i will do something that expands my choices am i thinking like the other 85% of the human world.
of course that is the run is it not? how do i know when i am walking that fine line between the sanity of recovery and the insanity of addiction, especially when i am not using? the answer is i DO NOT, that is where my sponsor, my sponsees, and my peers in recovery come in. they certainly will let me know when i am not quite right, all i have to do is pay attention. after all, it is through them that the POWER that fuels my recovery, speaks to me. unlike St Joan, i do not hear voices telling me what to do, at least not voices in my head.
anyhow, i am losing my train of thought, so i will sign-off by saying that Seasonally Affected Depression or not, i am doing the best i can, just for today. that is more than i can say about any other time in my life, before i started this path to becominmg the man i never was.
∞ DT ∞