Blog entry for:

according to the reading this morning i suffer from a complex problem that is inherent within me. not only is it present, but the part of myself i call the disease of addiction permeates through all my thoughts, actions and reactions to my daily reality. a question about this, that i have raised before, is whether the disease of addiction is part of my genetic make-up, whether i learned it through the process of growing up or is a subtle combination of nature, nurture and culture? and when i go down that tangent, i realize that whatever the root cause, i have a solution today. the literature of the fellowship where i choose to recover plainly states that i am not responsible for my disease, so the proecess by which i acquired the disease of addiction is moot and a mere distraction to the task at hand -- treating and arresting active addiction.
of course, i delude myself about the nature of the disease of addiction by narrowly focusing on the most apparent symptom of that condition -- the use of mind and mood altering substances against my will. the nice part of this lie, is that it has been over eight years since i have suffered that particular symptom so that train of thought barrels right down to the conclusion i want to hear -- i must not be an addict after all!
i also have a part of me that wants to recover, be happy, and take my place in the world as a contributing human being. that part understands that addiction is not about using substances anymore, that is how i got started down this path, rather the gig now is how i use other things to alter my feelings and perceptions. you know; work, tobacco, caffeine, gambling, love, relationships, meetings, anger or shopping. in fact i have discovered that i can obsess and then compulsively use just about anything that crosses my path.
so in this mixed up and twisted life what am i to do? surrender to my disease of course and walk the path through the steps that was laid down by those who came to recovery before me. the simple, spiritual path of twelve steps is the only way out i have found. am i always pleased with the process? not by a long shot, but i have yet to be displeased by the results and for me that is enough today

-- an elegant solution to a ugly and complex problem --

and the results are the person i was always meant to be. complexity once again simplified through a spiritual process – what a concept, occam would be proud!
∞ DT ∞