Blog entry for:

...an addict was, only to come up with another -- the idea that being an addict was about using drugs. so as i sit here, safe and warm in my comfortable home, back from my journey to the southern part of the state, i can consider in intellectual freedom the nature of addiction, and how the definition of that progressed across the course of my life. i am more than quite certain that i have written more than once that the stereotypes that i created in my mind about addicts and addiction were part of my denial structure, and protected me from seeing the truth about who and what i am, so to expound any further on that theme would probably not bear much fruit.
so what else is there to write about, if i summarily exclude the hot topic of the reading? well after rereading the passage, what comes to my mind is the fact, that recovery has given me the means to accept the gravity of my situation, that as an addict, addiction permeates my emotions, my thoughts, my actions and my reactions. that is a constant fact, coming to accept that was the first step work for me way back when, and even in the here and now, for the minute, nay even the second that i forget that unpleasant fact of life, i and running back towards active addiction, and since that is a downhill journey, it probably would not take me that long to be back where i started. okay, that was bit over dramatic, but sometimes, for me, a bit of hyperbole is a good exercise. the truth is that when i lapse, i am not putting a needle in my arm, but lapses in my program for whatever reason may lead me back, or even worse, make me so miserable, opinionated and sure of myself and my mission in life, that no one wants anything to do with me.
so the question is, do i accept that the use of drugs, which i have not engaged in for quite some time, is but a symptom of my addict part? yes i do, but more importantly lack of that symptom is not evidence that i have been cured. it is only evidence that i can recover and have a seemingly normal life, provided i take the suggestions that have been given to me by the members whom i trust and have what i want. so on that note i think i will sign-odd, and go shovel the snow for the first time today, it is after akk a good day to recover!

∞ DT ∞