Blog entry for:

so do i: in the fellowship that has given me a new life.
desperation, quite the interesting topic, especially sitting here in my comfortable home, in front of a computer that is bought and paid for getting ready to shower and head off to work at a job i really like going to. looking at it like that, how can i even start to write about desperation, seriously, even with the threat of active addiction hanging over my life, desperate is something i just do not feel this morning.
angry? yes, a bit, but that is fading.
put-out? yes, but that too is starting to pass.
i have a lot of different feelings, and i have to be really careful about desperation, especially since my insanity kept me from seeing how desperate i was, when i was sentenced to the path of recovery, even if it was only for three years or less. my close mindedness, and denial kept me from feeling desperate, when i was ready to walk away and say fVck-off, to this whole recovery gig. my desire to look good kept me from seeing the desperation i felt when my sponsor stood me up for a speaking gig, and proceeded to disappear into the ether. so now sitting here this morning, i have to be sure that desperation is not active today, and after a quick inventory i am not feeling desperate, and i need to shower off and get over to work.

∞ DT ∞