Blog entry for:
Tue, Jul 18, 2006 07:07:08 AM
∞ my best efforts at control had only worn me out, hence, i became willing to surrender ∞
posted: Tue, Jul 18, 2006 07:07:08 AM
and that ability is a direct result of being desperate, at least on some level. honestly, if you would have asked me when i was getting clean if i was desperate i would have said no way, i am just here to learn how to use like regular people.
and if you would ask if i am desperate today, my first response would be of course not, silly, i have been clean far to long to be desperate any more!
well the truth is, i was desperate for another manner of living way back then, and i am still desperate. the level of desperation has been reduced, but lately i have been feeling more than a bit off. the dream details, my reactions to life’s terms, the way i handle stress, and just a mountain of little details that when looked at through the magnifying glass of the program that has given me this new life, would be seen as more than a bit of insanity, and that insanity is about to topple the wall of denial!
so the real question is, am i willing to accept the gift of desperation that is being once again given to me, surrender to the spiritual principles of this program and move forward with my step work, or just remain where i am, hold on for dear life, and see where the storm takes me?
and the answer is....
... i dunno!
so there you have it, i am okay today, actually feeling better physically than i have in quite a while, i am emotionally fairly stable and there does not seem to be any big things looming over me to be anxious about. nevertheless i am uneasy and a bit anxious so there must be something going on. perhaps today is the day i do i something about it! we will see!
and if you would ask if i am desperate today, my first response would be of course not, silly, i have been clean far to long to be desperate any more!
well the truth is, i was desperate for another manner of living way back then, and i am still desperate. the level of desperation has been reduced, but lately i have been feeling more than a bit off. the dream details, my reactions to life’s terms, the way i handle stress, and just a mountain of little details that when looked at through the magnifying glass of the program that has given me this new life, would be seen as more than a bit of insanity, and that insanity is about to topple the wall of denial!
so the real question is, am i willing to accept the gift of desperation that is being once again given to me, surrender to the spiritual principles of this program and move forward with my step work, or just remain where i am, hold on for dear life, and see where the storm takes me?
and the answer is....
... i dunno!
so there you have it, i am okay today, actually feeling better physically than i have in quite a while, i am emotionally fairly stable and there does not seem to be any big things looming over me to be anxious about. nevertheless i am uneasy and a bit anxious so there must be something going on. perhaps today is the day i do i something about it! we will see!
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
desparation 390 words ➥ Sunday, July 18, 2004 by: donnotω using a gift ω 294 words ➥ Monday, July 18, 2005 by: donnot
∞ desperation is what finally drives me to ask for help. ∞ 410 words ➥ Wednesday, July 18, 2007 by: donnot
↔ it was the desperation i felt that compelled me to accept the First Step. ↔ 512 words ➥ Friday, July 18, 2008 by: donnot
∞ my insanity had finally risen higher than my wall of denial, forcing me to get honest about my disease ∞ 197 words ➥ Saturday, July 18, 2009 by: donnot
¹ when i think of being desperate, i envision an undesirable state … 504 words ➥ Sunday, July 18, 2010 by: donnot
± desperation is what finally drove me to ask for help ± 740 words ➥ Monday, July 18, 2011 by: donnot
¹ the gift of desperation has helped me become honest, open-minded, and willing ¹ 641 words ➥ Wednesday, July 18, 2012 by: donnot
∏ my addiction always resurfaced or continued to progress until, ∏ 491 words ➥ Thursday, July 18, 2013 by: donnot
∫ just as the desperate, hunted animal seeks a safe haven, ∫ 260 words ➥ Friday, July 18, 2014 by: donnot
§ just as the desperate, § 353 words ➥ Saturday, July 18, 2015 by: donnot
∤ a poor, ∦ 745 words ➥ Monday, July 18, 2016 by: donnot
🞛 i was frantically 🞠 702 words ➥ Tuesday, July 18, 2017 by: donnot
🚀 the gift of desperation 🚀 583 words ➥ Wednesday, July 18, 2018 by: donnot
😕 my best efforts 😖 520 words ➥ Thursday, July 18, 2019 by: donnot
🌤 something sorely needed 🌥 625 words ➥ Saturday, July 18, 2020 by: donnot
🐗 a poor, 😰 502 words ➥ Sunday, July 18, 2021 by: donnot
🙈 the wall 🙉 509 words ➥ Monday, July 18, 2022 by: donnot
🌰 growth 🌺 568 words ➥ Tuesday, July 18, 2023 by: donnot
🕱 asking for help 🕱 597 words ➥ Thursday, July 18, 2024 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 2
1) He who knows these two things finds in them also his model and
rule. Ability to know this model and rule constitutes what we call
the mysterious excellence (of a governor). Deep and far-reaching is
such mysterious excellence, showing indeed its possessor as opposite
to others, but leading them to a great conformity to him.