Blog entry for:
Mon, Jul 18, 2005 05:48:55 AM
ω using a gift ω
posted: Mon, Jul 18, 2005 05:48:55 AM
well i could write about how desperate i was when i came to recovery, but i have already written about more than once. or i could write about how desperate i have been as i started each step cycle and once again i have already written about that.
today my desperation is minimal, which i feel is a gift but not quite the gift that this morning's quote was all about. i would love to say that i am been grateful for the desperation i feel today, and perhaps later i will be. the desperation i feel today surrounds the process of my friend dying and the behavior of those who love him dearly.
it is difficult for me not to judge the behaviors and react to their pain. i know that i am hurting and have come to a place in this process where i just want his suffering to end. i am tired of watching him linger. i am sad at seeing the ravages on his physical body as it destroys itself with the toxins produced by living.
the desperation i feel is that there is nothing i can do to ease his going except what i have been doing -- showing and being present for him on a daily basis. the gift i get from this desperation is that when i have to do this for my family, i will have some models of how and how not to behave. i also am learning how to deal with my feelings of inadequacy around dealing with other people's pain. today the desperation i have been feeling over this process is turning into new ideas and methods for dealing with the unthinkable -- the death of a loved
∞ DT ∞
today my desperation is minimal, which i feel is a gift but not quite the gift that this morning's quote was all about. i would love to say that i am been grateful for the desperation i feel today, and perhaps later i will be. the desperation i feel today surrounds the process of my friend dying and the behavior of those who love him dearly.
it is difficult for me not to judge the behaviors and react to their pain. i know that i am hurting and have come to a place in this process where i just want his suffering to end. i am tired of watching him linger. i am sad at seeing the ravages on his physical body as it destroys itself with the toxins produced by living.
the desperation i feel is that there is nothing i can do to ease his going except what i have been doing -- showing and being present for him on a daily basis. the gift i get from this desperation is that when i have to do this for my family, i will have some models of how and how not to behave. i also am learning how to deal with my feelings of inadequacy around dealing with other people's pain. today the desperation i have been feeling over this process is turning into new ideas and methods for dealing with the unthinkable -- the death of a loved
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
desparation 390 words ➥ Sunday, July 18, 2004 by: donnot∞ my best efforts at control had only worn me out, hence, i became willing to surrender ∞ 325 words ➥ Tuesday, July 18, 2006 by: donnot
∞ desperation is what finally drives me to ask for help. ∞ 410 words ➥ Wednesday, July 18, 2007 by: donnot
↔ it was the desperation i felt that compelled me to accept the First Step. ↔ 512 words ➥ Friday, July 18, 2008 by: donnot
∞ my insanity had finally risen higher than my wall of denial, forcing me to get honest about my disease ∞ 197 words ➥ Saturday, July 18, 2009 by: donnot
¹ when i think of being desperate, i envision an undesirable state … 504 words ➥ Sunday, July 18, 2010 by: donnot
± desperation is what finally drove me to ask for help ± 740 words ➥ Monday, July 18, 2011 by: donnot
¹ the gift of desperation has helped me become honest, open-minded, and willing ¹ 641 words ➥ Wednesday, July 18, 2012 by: donnot
∏ my addiction always resurfaced or continued to progress until, ∏ 491 words ➥ Thursday, July 18, 2013 by: donnot
∫ just as the desperate, hunted animal seeks a safe haven, ∫ 260 words ➥ Friday, July 18, 2014 by: donnot
§ just as the desperate, § 353 words ➥ Saturday, July 18, 2015 by: donnot
∤ a poor, ∦ 745 words ➥ Monday, July 18, 2016 by: donnot
🞛 i was frantically 🞠 702 words ➥ Tuesday, July 18, 2017 by: donnot
🚀 the gift of desperation 🚀 583 words ➥ Wednesday, July 18, 2018 by: donnot
😕 my best efforts 😖 520 words ➥ Thursday, July 18, 2019 by: donnot
🌤 something sorely needed 🌥 625 words ➥ Saturday, July 18, 2020 by: donnot
🐗 a poor, 😰 502 words ➥ Sunday, July 18, 2021 by: donnot
🙈 the wall 🙉 509 words ➥ Monday, July 18, 2022 by: donnot
🌰 growth 🌺 568 words ➥ Tuesday, July 18, 2023 by: donnot
🕱 asking for help 🕱 597 words ➥ Thursday, July 18, 2024 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 2
3) With that gentleness I can be bold; with that economy I can be
liberal; shrinking from taking precedence of others, I can become
a vessel of the highest honour. Now-a-days they give up gentleness
and are all for being bold; economy, and are all for being liberal;
the hindmost place, and seek only to be foremost;--(of all which the
end is) death.