may I please have a heart attack or a fatal accident?
Posted: Sat, Nov 8, 2014 01:24:16 PM
as insane as that may sound, and these days, trust me, that sounds fVcking nutz, that was once how i lived. it would be wonderful to say, that insanity is no longer part of my life, just as it would be just as nice to win a PowerBall jackpot. the odds of either happening are astronomical, BUT, if i keep practising a program of recovery, i can reduce the level of insanity down to a place that is nearly undetectable, just as if i keep playing, chances are i will win something.
the question, at least for me, in this part of my life, is what is the insanity in my life today, and is it inherent, or is there HOPE that something can remove it? the second step does not say that a POWER greater than me WILL restore me to sanity. no it says CAN, and the difference between will and can, is part of what my FAITH is based on today. that something, anything can restore me to a state of being, that i possibly never had before is part of the reason that i keep on doing this gig. recovery is not easy, and yeah i know, it is simple, as the meme goes. each and every day that i do not use, and surrender my will and my life into the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery, i am certainly that much more restored. anyhow, i gotta run, but instead of cutting this short, i think i will leave this open until i return from my Saturday morning activities and see what i can write about sanity, insanity, and HOPE for restoration.
back after the morning, and sitting here wondering what insanities i have endured lately? well there was the severe temptation to fall into a trap that was offered me, and make a decision for someone else. yes, i almost went there, it was quite an offering, and someone like me, who likes to think he knows best, well the in sane part would have been walking into that trap with my eyes wide open. i do not doubt that he was sincere in his desire to avoid doing what he has been doing, but i know what that would get me, blame and anger when things turn out contrary to desire. been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
feel like it is time for a quick nap, so for now i am going to say, just for today, i can be more sane than i was yesterday.
the question, at least for me, in this part of my life, is what is the insanity in my life today, and is it inherent, or is there HOPE that something can remove it? the second step does not say that a POWER greater than me WILL restore me to sanity. no it says CAN, and the difference between will and can, is part of what my FAITH is based on today. that something, anything can restore me to a state of being, that i possibly never had before is part of the reason that i keep on doing this gig. recovery is not easy, and yeah i know, it is simple, as the meme goes. each and every day that i do not use, and surrender my will and my life into the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery, i am certainly that much more restored. anyhow, i gotta run, but instead of cutting this short, i think i will leave this open until i return from my Saturday morning activities and see what i can write about sanity, insanity, and HOPE for restoration.
back after the morning, and sitting here wondering what insanities i have endured lately? well there was the severe temptation to fall into a trap that was offered me, and make a decision for someone else. yes, i almost went there, it was quite an offering, and someone like me, who likes to think he knows best, well the in sane part would have been walking into that trap with my eyes wide open. i do not doubt that he was sincere in his desire to avoid doing what he has been doing, but i know what that would get me, blame and anger when things turn out contrary to desire. been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
feel like it is time for a quick nap, so for now i am going to say, just for today, i can be more sane than i was yesterday.
∞ DT ∞