Blog entry for:

by remembering the degree of the insanity i have experienced, i can appreciate the Power that has restored me thus far to sanity. so after three very long days of work, i am wondering IF this is my future or is stuff moving out of my line of vision. even wondering that sort of stuff, is not necessarily a sane thought, of course stuff is happening outside my scope of understanding as well as beyond the limits of my perception. where is the HOPE. well in active addition, such a trend of thought, would have extended far beyond the job opportunity that i was working through and my current employment situation, into the world in general, and generally culminating in some sort of conspiracy against me, by all the powers that be. a look at the relative levels of insanity in my life, is certainly a good thing or the half full paradigm, the levels of sanity that i have reached relative to the day i walked into the rooms. unlike Karl Rove, i do not need to spin the bad news. that news is that as an addict, i will always be insane, unless i continue to live a program of active recovery. even then, my total restoration to sanity may not occur before as Shakespeare once said, i shuffle off this mortal coil.
the reading suggests that i find gratitude for the immensity of the project, undertaken by the POWER that fuels my recovery, and admit that where i am today, is nothing short of miraculous. there are times when the whole miracle thing is just a bit too much for me. miracles appear out of thin air and have nothing to do, in general, with anything that preceded them. my restoration to sanity, while it started with the miracle of me wanting more than the life of a using addict, is the result of patient footwork, a system of living based of the structure provided by the 12 STEPS and a growing FAITH that i need not ever use again, one day at a time. this is more of a cause and effect event, i am being restores to sanity by the POWER that fuels my recovery, because i PERMIT and ACCEPT it. just as a television, cell phone or BIC lighter may seem like magic, to someone that has never been exposed to technology, this restoration process, may seem just as magical and miraculous, to an addict new in recovery. i remember seeing addicts with time when i came into recovery, wondering how they could be of such sound minds, and doubting that they were ever like me. what looked miraculous back in the day, is now commonplace to me, as i march through this process day by day. so in the long run, i guess what i really need to be grateful for, right here and right now, is my access to this process that is restoring me to sanity, bit by bit, day by day, as long as i let it happen.
the next sane thing for me to do, is to hit the showers, get out of my pajamas, not necessarily in that order, i am a not crazy, and get some work done. it is after all a great day to sanely earn my daily bread and participate in my life, instead of watch it pass me by.

∞ DT ∞