Some memes

a principle that strengthens not only my own recovery but also my relationships with individuals who are a source of irritation to me. it should come as no surprise to anyone who happens to read this little exercise, that i am not a very patient or tolerant person. i could dive into the rationalization than i am better than i used to, which is true. the second part of that rationalization is that IF i stay clean and work an active program, i will be better tomorrow, which is also true. neither of those, however address me in real-time, you know the what is, versus the what was and the what will be. listening to my heart to say, i have the desire to be more than a bit more tolerant of others, especially those with whom i share my recovery. those folks can be the toughest for me, because of the huge set of expectations i have constructed for what i consider to be “real recovery,” that i do not even meet. 😭 😭 😭
as i “marinate” in my THIRD STEP, as my sponse has said, i see more and more that my whole judgement gig is based on the unrealistic and impossible expectations i put on myself and others. i have to get to a place where i can see what the pay-off for this happens to be. what is it about me not living up to my expectations fuels the continuation of that behavior? that is certainly a great question to ruminate on, as i go through this day. what i am going to do, however, is let go of what i think the answer may be and see what comes to me as the day progresses. i have my home group and the drive there and back again, a three mile walk and some quiet time this afternoon, to allow myself the freedom to listen to my heart and shut off my head. letting go of what i think i may know, just may be the driving THIRD STEP decision, just for today.

∞ DT ∞