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from addiction to the POWER that fuels my recovery, the source of all that is good and true. so at the meeting last night i shared just a little bit about my current obsession with recovery tourists, posers and thieves. without mentioning any names or definitions, i moved on to what it was that really struck me about what was being shared. i need to share a little bit about those definitions as it certainly pertains to how i am seeing the truth today.
recovery tourists: those who recover in another fellowship and come over to ours, to bring that wisdom, welcomed or not, into what they seem to think is a “derivative” program. the symptoms include, using terms such as alcoholic-addict and having some time clean.
recovery posers: those who ALWAYS have the answer for everyone else's “issues,” but choose to live a life in an abstinent state, rather than active recovery. one of the most telling of the symptoms is the heavy reliance on the word “you” when they share.
recovery thieves: those members with time, who show up once a year to collect their chips. the obvious symptoms is their glaring lack of meeting attendance and their glowing reports of what they have been given, very seldom do they actually ever give anything away.
i have been one and all of these various types in my past and am quite capable of becoming one or more of them again. the odds of the becoming a recovery tourist are fairly minimal, but a poser and a thief could be in cards, i have the biggest symptom of those two types, significant clean time!i am all for being welcoming and i certainly would not advocate shutting down or silencing anyone, member of not, who attends a meeting and thinks they may be in the correct place to address their problem. so i sit and sulk in silence, while i roll my eyes and hope that newcomer takes anything that a member of these classes has to offer.
this all came up for me at the meeting last night, because we read a passage about the transformation of desperation into passion, and my passion these days seems to be that of the “defender of the FAITH.” just as Torquemada, ready to accuse and send to the auto-da-fé those heretics who dare tread at all on the TRUTH or the WORD! that passion, while noble in some senses, is what can make the local recovery community unattractive to newer members of those who happen to drop on by, just to get a bit of our local flavor. while i do not suppress, neither do i actively speak about it in meetings or afterwards in the meeting after the meeting, as i am never sure who may or may not be in earshot. this whole piece of the judge, jury and executioner withing, is kept within most of the times, especially as i grow to see how much of the “TRUTH” i fail to grasp or have yet to uncover. this is a part of me that i am not especially proud of, and for whatever reason as i worked through this set of steps, it has crystallized into something i can touch and feel. i know it was always there, lurking below the surface like some giant Kraken, waiting to claim its next victim.
the HOPE? well for one thing, knowing that part of me, is key to becoming entirely ready to have it removed and and humble ask for its removal, as this feels more like a shortcoming than a defect of character, to me. the TRUTH? for me, no clue today, save for this small fraction of it: i am an addict and i am powerless over addiction. i can, however, take responsibility for my recovery and carry it into all my affairs.

∞ DT ∞