Blog entry for:

especially what i know about THE TRUTH.
as i stopped to think what this means to me this morning a couple of very divergent threads emerged in my mind. the first was the tirade a member of another fellowship who was slumming in one of meetings went on and on about after several of shared we that the truth as we knew it had changed since we got clean. their point, which they loudly and passionately repeated over and over again was that THE TRUTH is unchanging and we we simpletons for thinking that it had changed. way back then, and it was when i was just a few years clean and thought i KNEW things, we all laughed at their expense after the meeting, because the point they missed was what we were not saying, it was not THE TRUTH that had changed, it was OUR PERCEPTION of THE TRUTH that had changes, and hence it looked like to us, that THE TRUTH had changed. i GOT that back then, and i still get it today, even as stay clean day after day, what i think i know about the TRUTH is a moving target. the ONLY thing i am certain of, is that i am an addict and without a program of recovery i am doomed to a life of misery, degradation, dereliction and desperation. a corollary to that statement is that IF i want to be more than i ever was, a better man and person: whole, self-assured and genuine; than i have to keep on doing what i have been doing. whether or not the silly philosophical arguments about HIGHER POWERS, the disease concept or the thousand and one other ideas and attitudes that are floating around the fellowship are reflections of the TRUTH or not, is something i leave for more passionate minds today. i am comfortable being a mushroom when it come to THE TRUTH and seeing what i need to see of it, as it is revealed on a need to know basis.
as promised i said i had two divergent tracks in mind when i sat down to write this morning. what i perceive is the TRUTH, may not always be anything close to the truth. right now, i am watching two addicts swirl down in a maelstrom of self-will, but in extreme slow motion. i want to jump in and slap them around and ask WTF they think they are doing, but as the results of my recent bouts with exercising self-will have been anything but stellar, i am sitting back and letting the train wrecks happen. THE TRUTH? in neither one of these cases will they listen to me, more than acknowledge that i am speaking, so instead of wasting my breath giving my unsolicited opinion, i think it s better just to sit back and watch, pray for a soft landing for the two of them and let whatever will happen, happen. i get that i am powerless, in these instances, and i can accept that and move on, as in the long run, my life and my recovery is not in jeopardy by the actions of either one of the addicts in recovery, unless in my own sick way, i tie myself to the outcomes of their behavior, and even then there is still a good chance that i can continue my march to being something more than i was yesterday.
as i have an issue or two to resolve on my way don the Broomfield, i will end with this thought. if i want more than i ever had, i have to let go and allow it to happen, that part of the TRUTH i get this morning and can allow to be part of how i live my life.

∞ DT ∞