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as something more than i may think it is, has been a consistent theme in my recovery process. i have to admit, that this is one of my favorite topics, especially when i am comparing and contrasting THE TRUTH and truth. when i came to recovery, i was certain, as i have written many time before, that i knew THE TRUTH, and part of that was that i was NOT an addict, i did NOT require a program of recovery and if people left me the fuck alone, my life would be just fine. it took a minute of clean time, some disturbing events and a crack in my severely locked down mind, to see that was just denial and IF i wanted something different, i was going to have to do something different. lo and behold, here i sit many days later, musing about how i see the truth today.
for me, the reality is that i am an addict. addiction has been manifest in many different manners, but the most glaring symptom of addiction was my dependence on getting high, each and every day. the truth is this respect, as i have come to see it, is that for myself, staying clean and living a program of active recovery, is the only path that will lead to me being better than i ever was. the man i spoke of yesterday, has yet to grasp that fact for himself, and my job is to present the argument in a manner that is palatable to him. his version of the “truth” may not align with mine, and that is perfectly okay. for me, another day clean is another day won, purely and simply, the basic truth of my life.
i am less concerned about what “THE TRUTH” may or may not be theses days, at is seems to be altered as new facts and evidence are presented. i know that IF i continue to choose to live a program of recovery, chances are, that i will choose to do the next right thing, even when no one is looking. of course, if i were one to believe in a HIGHER POWER similar to the concept i was raised on, then something is always watching me. as that is not my cup of tea, and i can safely say that the truth about acts of kindness through out my day, may actually be, because i am becoming a kinder and more loving person, as a result of living the steps. or it could all be a smokescreen i throw up, to make myself feel better that i think i am doing. right here and right now, it does not matter. those on the receiving ends of those acts get something and whatever i get, and there is more than likely a payoff, is gravy. so it off into dawn's early light to get some miles under my sneakers this morning. who knows, i may actually stumble upon THE TRUTH as i am out and about and it will change my whole life, or not. 🤨

∞ DT ∞