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has certainly been a part of my existence, since long before i used for the first time. my memories are subject to revision, scientific theories are altered as new information is acquired and as i grow, i am uncovering some of the **truths** i was taught, were really true at all. in fact that last part is the basis of my FOURTH STEP writing, specifically looking at how what i once believed and based om identity upon, was not anything close to the truth. there is one unchanging TRUTH for me, and that is i am now and will continue to be an addict, even if i do not use anything until the day i die.
today, as i write this in a hurry so i can get on to my next task, a few of the notions that were shared at my home group are still echoing in my head. the first idea that is still sticking around, was all about taking care of their physical self. for me, my whole fitness gig started when i realized i could get paid by my employer to wear a fitness tracker and meet certain goals. that $1000.00 pay-off is still there, but as i got “into” physical exercise, i started to feel better and certainly look better, without having to change my diet at all. the inches and pounds that i have shed as a result of that activity, drove me to take care of my dental health as well. all of that and much, much more were part of the amends i “owed” myself and have fostered a new manner of living. i might whine and moan about my clothes not fitting anymore and having to spend an hour each and every day, being active, but the TRUTH here is that i am living better and hopefully will continue to do so.
i am grateful for what i heard this morning, as i had come to take for granted, the effort i put into my physical self. it also rekindled my spirit to moving on from the unpleasant place i have been dwelling in lately. i do have plague fatigue. i am tempted to take risks to reestablish my social life and i just want some kind of “normal” life back again. what i heard reminds me that what ever &^#8220;normal” may be today, it is more than likely going to change, tomorrow. and there is very little i can do about it.

∞ DT ∞