Blog entry for:

the truth in my life and not catering to the alternative **facts** that the delusions of being an addict may attempt to scream at me, is always a bit of a struggle, even with a minute clean. as i sat and listened this morning, what popped loudly off the stack was a metaphor about how i see the truth and how many of those in conservative politics see the truth. freedom of speech in recovery means i have an obligation to accept the consequences of what i say and how i behave. i can, of course, whine about being “cancelled” when those around me are pulling away because i am being an asshole, or i can look at what i have been doing and use their actions as a gauge to how spiritually fit i am in any given. moment. unfortunately, unlike those who do not accept the consequences of their free speech, i do not have an alternate platform on which to base my life and i cannot use my resources to construct a new one. i have just this life and the life i have is the result of staying clean and learning how to accept responsibility and live an active program of recovery.
the truth, as i know it today, is that i am now and more than likely will continue to be, an addict. i do not have an “addictive” personality, nor am i addicted to any specific substance or set of behaviors, i am just a garden variety addict, who chooses to be clean, just for today. i need not add all sorts of adjectives to describe what “sort” of addict i may be, as in my head, that dilutes the truth of who i am. i spent decades in denial and living in the fantasy world of alternate facts. i can CHOOSE to back to that place, whether or not i decide to use, OR i can continue down the path of accepting what and who i am, even if the “who” part is still in flux. in that cold harsh light there is a certain freedom. i do not have to pretend that somehow i am different, nor do i have to believe the lie that i am broken. finding my way these days is as simple as closing my eyes, opening my mind and listening for direction from the POWER that fuels my recovery. right here and right now, what i am hearing is that it is time to post this little exercise in mind dumpery and get my mind wrapped around doing the next right thing, specifically doing what my employer is paying for me to do.

∞ DT ∞