Blog entry for:
Fri, Mar 10, 2017 07:30:10 PM
⫘ to get the most ⫘
posted: Fri, Mar 10, 2017 07:30:10 PM
from recovery, I must do the work
Here it is, our last day of vacation and finally they are dragging us into the little room to see how much more that can get from us. Neither one of us are happy about that and we are going to do everything in our power to escape their clutches and enjoy most of this day, save homicide or suicide. I jest of course, about the efforts necessary to get out from under the thumb of the sales force here, but quite honestly I am going to do my best to carry recovery into that little room, be assertive enough for the both of us and leave the seals person feeling like they really did their best, even though they are barely going to get our attention. Inside I am a bit unsettled as they had to call “just to be sure,” we were coming, right in the middle of my 11TH STEP, this morning and I could not go back down again.
Moving forward I really am clueless as to how some my peers can walk through life without working steps. oh, I know.many of them have worked all 12 with a sponsor, in order and that is great, but to stop right there and not move along through the notion us progress always working a step brings, is a puzzlement to me. Even when I am walking into a very unpleasant situation I have a few spiritual principles to carry with me, because I have done the work over and over again. For me, each trio through the steps has been a very unexpected journey and the destination I thought I was working towards, is more often than not anywhere close to where I arrived at, after I complete another cycle. Ah. I, however, digress, what is supposed to be about me has been thrown under the bus and is now all about them. Getting back on track…
Today I find myself in an unprecedented position of having completed another STEP cycle and not moving into my next. My sponse does not seem overly concerned about this little pause, as it were, but it is driving nuts. What I am hearing over and obverse again is that I DESIRE to move forward because that is what I ALWAYS do, and what I am FEELING is, not yet. I truly hate that phrase as it implies that I just need to take no action, pay attention and allow whatever needs to happen, to happen of its own accord. I am not very good at sitting down, shutting up and listening. I have been cultured and or trained into stepping into the fray and taking action. Even back in the day, when I was manipulating everyone around, passive-aggressively I was taking action, pulling strings and pretending I was above it all. Today I may be better than that, but doing nothing is one of the most difficult tasks I face and perhaps this “pause” is all about learning to be okay with doing nothing.
Now it is time to breathe, take a minute to contemplate what I want to accomplish in the next few hours and allow myself the freedom to say no thank you, five hundred thousand times and when 1130 rolls around say so long and thanks for all the fish!
Here it is, our last day of vacation and finally they are dragging us into the little room to see how much more that can get from us. Neither one of us are happy about that and we are going to do everything in our power to escape their clutches and enjoy most of this day, save homicide or suicide. I jest of course, about the efforts necessary to get out from under the thumb of the sales force here, but quite honestly I am going to do my best to carry recovery into that little room, be assertive enough for the both of us and leave the seals person feeling like they really did their best, even though they are barely going to get our attention. Inside I am a bit unsettled as they had to call “just to be sure,” we were coming, right in the middle of my 11TH STEP, this morning and I could not go back down again.
Moving forward I really am clueless as to how some my peers can walk through life without working steps. oh, I know.many of them have worked all 12 with a sponsor, in order and that is great, but to stop right there and not move along through the notion us progress always working a step brings, is a puzzlement to me. Even when I am walking into a very unpleasant situation I have a few spiritual principles to carry with me, because I have done the work over and over again. For me, each trio through the steps has been a very unexpected journey and the destination I thought I was working towards, is more often than not anywhere close to where I arrived at, after I complete another cycle. Ah. I, however, digress, what is supposed to be about me has been thrown under the bus and is now all about them. Getting back on track…
Today I find myself in an unprecedented position of having completed another STEP cycle and not moving into my next. My sponse does not seem overly concerned about this little pause, as it were, but it is driving nuts. What I am hearing over and obverse again is that I DESIRE to move forward because that is what I ALWAYS do, and what I am FEELING is, not yet. I truly hate that phrase as it implies that I just need to take no action, pay attention and allow whatever needs to happen, to happen of its own accord. I am not very good at sitting down, shutting up and listening. I have been cultured and or trained into stepping into the fray and taking action. Even back in the day, when I was manipulating everyone around, passive-aggressively I was taking action, pulling strings and pretending I was above it all. Today I may be better than that, but doing nothing is one of the most difficult tasks I face and perhaps this “pause” is all about learning to be okay with doing nothing.
Now it is time to breathe, take a minute to contemplate what I want to accomplish in the next few hours and allow myself the freedom to say no thank you, five hundred thousand times and when 1130 rolls around say so long and thanks for all the fish!
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
∞ working a program ∞ 167 words ➥ Thursday, March 10, 2005 by: donnotα i want everything my personal program has to offer Ω 400 words ➥ Friday, March 10, 2006 by: donnot
∞ i cannot stay clean by osmosis, i cannot just attend meetings, no matter how many, ∞ 500 words ➥ Saturday, March 10, 2007 by: donnot
α i cannot just attend meetings, no matter how many, and expect to breathe recovery in through the pores of my skin. Ω 303 words ➥ Monday, March 10, 2008 by: donnot
σ the heart of our recovery program is the Twelve Steps -- in fact … 508 words ➥ Tuesday, March 10, 2009 by: donnot
∝ there is lots to like in the fellowship that has provided me this new manner of living ∝ 498 words ➥ Wednesday, March 10, 2010 by: donnot
♣ the steps are THE solution, my survival kit, my defense against addiction ♣ 954 words ➥ Thursday, March 10, 2011 by: donnot
¢ i want everything a personal program of RECOVERY has to offer ¢ 518 words ➥ Saturday, March 10, 2012 by: donnot
◊ to get the most from my recovery, ◊ 490 words ➥ Sunday, March 10, 2013 by: donnot
∃ i have heard it said that one cannot stay clean by osmosis ∃ 522 words ➥ Monday, March 10, 2014 by: donnot
µ my survival kit µ 647 words ➥ Tuesday, March 10, 2015 by: donnot
☼ my own recovery ☀ 926 words ➥ Thursday, March 10, 2016 by: donnot
🍄 just attending 🍄 692 words ➥ Saturday, March 10, 2018 by: donnot
🏟 an inside job 💨 557 words ➥ Sunday, March 10, 2019 by: donnot
🤨 staying clean 🤪 442 words ➥ Tuesday, March 10, 2020 by: donnot
💣 expecting to 💥 547 words ➥ Wednesday, March 10, 2021 by: donnot
🌈 getting the most 🌈 388 words ➥ Thursday, March 10, 2022 by: donnot
🔎 finding 🗫 695 words ➥ Friday, March 10, 2023 by: donnot
😎 i certainly KNOW 😎 622 words ➥ Sunday, March 10, 2024 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 2
1) He who knows these two things finds in them also his model and
rule. Ability to know this model and rule constitutes what we call
the mysterious excellence (of a governor). Deep and far-reaching is
such mysterious excellence, showing indeed its possessor as opposite
to others, but leading them to a great conformity to him.