๐ช objectivity is ๐ช
Posted: Mon, Mar 10, 2025 06:43:03 AM
an acquired skill. i am finding it quite ironic, as i peek back at what i wrote a year ago, how much of my head space was consumed by others. in fact, i gave up so much that i lost myself in the angst of all that was spinning around me and lacked any objectivity, especially about what was being said to me. every critique from even my most trusted associates and closed-mouth friend, i took personally and fumed and fretted about for days on end, contributing to the insanity that filled my head, day in and day out. of course, true to form, i reverted to a very familiar behavior of swallowing my feelings and pretending everything was okay. after all, i still had to look good, a paragon of virtue, as it were. as i get rolling on my step work, i want to think that my insanity has passed, but i am already seeing that is not the case and i know that there will be more than one rabbit hole to explore as i get to writing about the SECOND STEP.
my day yesterday was a bit different from what i had planned out. instead of cigars and hanging with the brothers of the leaf, i ended up working with two men who call me their sponsor. although i was asked to offer up my best suggestions for what comes next for them, on their recovery journey, i still felt the need to add a message to them as a result of my TENTH STEP. as i sat last last night, i felt that i had left stuff unsaid that needed to be articulated. although a txt at nine PM is a poor substitute for face-to-face, it was adequate to care of what i believed i had missed saying. objectively, i missed and opportunity that needed to be recaptured.
listening to what those men told me, helped me to see that my current form of insanity is far from unexpected and that i am slacking in keeping up with my spiritual fitness. a year ago, i was displacing all my feelings and transforming it into anger. if someone suggested a year ago that anti-parasitic medicines were a preventive measure against cancer, i would have laughed in their faces and suggested that maybe they should look at the real, actual science, rather than opinions on the internet. the fact is, what someone believes about science does little or nothing to affect my life. i know just because i believe something, does not make it true. for me, accepting a new idea, requires weighing the evidence of qualified experts in a field. when i was getting clean, i finally saw that those members who were in the rooms at that time, were staying clean and leading lives that were much better than mine. they shared about feelings and notions that i understood and presented me with evidence that their lives in recovery were worth the effort they put into them. when i joined them, i quickly came to see that there was substance and not just opinions, smoke and mirrors, to what they were saying. their practical application of a recovery program in their lives, brought the sort of results that i had always needed but did not know i wanted. for me, that is the gift that keeps on giving,
my day yesterday was a bit different from what i had planned out. instead of cigars and hanging with the brothers of the leaf, i ended up working with two men who call me their sponsor. although i was asked to offer up my best suggestions for what comes next for them, on their recovery journey, i still felt the need to add a message to them as a result of my TENTH STEP. as i sat last last night, i felt that i had left stuff unsaid that needed to be articulated. although a txt at nine PM is a poor substitute for face-to-face, it was adequate to care of what i believed i had missed saying. objectively, i missed and opportunity that needed to be recaptured.
listening to what those men told me, helped me to see that my current form of insanity is far from unexpected and that i am slacking in keeping up with my spiritual fitness. a year ago, i was displacing all my feelings and transforming it into anger. if someone suggested a year ago that anti-parasitic medicines were a preventive measure against cancer, i would have laughed in their faces and suggested that maybe they should look at the real, actual science, rather than opinions on the internet. the fact is, what someone believes about science does little or nothing to affect my life. i know just because i believe something, does not make it true. for me, accepting a new idea, requires weighing the evidence of qualified experts in a field. when i was getting clean, i finally saw that those members who were in the rooms at that time, were staying clean and leading lives that were much better than mine. they shared about feelings and notions that i understood and presented me with evidence that their lives in recovery were worth the effort they put into them. when i joined them, i quickly came to see that there was substance and not just opinions, smoke and mirrors, to what they were saying. their practical application of a recovery program in their lives, brought the sort of results that i had always needed but did not know i wanted. for me, that is the gift that keeps on giving,
∞ DT ∞