โผ my own recovery โ
Posted: Thu, Mar 10, 2016 09:54:38 AM
Today is when the reality starts to set in, this temporary escape from work and my responsibility is coming to an end. As a result, I approach this day of vacation with a little more of an attitude about what I have not got done, and the only thing on this vacation's list is to go para-sailing and that is a bit weather reliant, as in the past two days would have been less than stellar experiences. All of that is quite nice, but none of it has anything to do, with working the steps and living a program of recovery.
That rather abrupt segue into the recovery part of of this exercise and away from the not enough time part is how I am rolling today, a bit choppy, a bit disconnected and a bit well a bit sad that vacation cannot last forever, but grateful that vacation does not last forever. The very fact that I can be on vacation, anywhere is a tribute to a program of recovery that I have learned to live. Once upon a time, not all that long ago, going to foreign country for seven days was not something I had the ability to do. Well physically sure, but financially, not a chance in hell. It is because I have learned how to live the program of recovery and make it a part of my personal routine, that I can be here now and still be clean.
First off, at least in my head, there is NO “my recovery program.”There is a program of recovery as given t me from the members who have walked the path in the past. The steps are the steps, and are not subject to revision or reinterpretation. Step One does not say that I am powerless over substances, people, places or things. It says I am powerless over addiction. There are no qualifiers in that statement and the power behind that statement allows me to find a path to freedom from active addiction, NOT addiction in and of itself. For me that distinction is an important one, as it seems some of my peers believe that it is all about what and how much one used, although they do not come out and say that explicitly. I understand what they may be trying to do, after all it is all about the new guy, however STEP TWELVE starts with the words after having a spiritual awakening. I am quite certain that units I was awoken to the fact of what I was and what that revelation really meant to me and my life, I was incapable of carrying the message that there is a better way of living and it does not mean “having to come to these classes, the rest of my life.” what it means to me, is that I have to learn to integrate my life into the program I have been given, every single day of my life, even when I am on vacation.
Which of course brings up an amusing story. Yesterday a cruise ship came to town and the normal tourist haunts were full of people on vacation. We were part of those throngs of humanity and decided to sit down at one of those places that one must eat at, when in town. We had a short wait and as it was 12:00 NOON, we were more than okay with having to wait to get seated. After our 15 minutes we sat down and enjoyed our meal. What does that have to with anything? Well the hostess was very polite and courteous when she informed those who arrived at her station that there was a wait for a table. More than one party of diners were =quite put out that they would have to wait, and sought out her manager, pointing at the one or two empty tables that she had not had the opportunity to sit someone down at, because they were berating her for having to wait.over and over again, I saw selfish self-entitlement at play and was thoroughly educated in what I did not want to be like to the people who are making my vacation memorable. By the way, that hostess took that abuse in English as well as Spanish, as there were scores of rude and abusive tourists out there yesterday, thinking that they were something they were not, entitled. I may have certainly earned my seat in the rooms. I certainly earned the right to have an opportunity to recover. I did not however, become entitled to the gifts of recovery, just because I showed up and sat my ass in a meeting. Everything that recovery gives me, is the direct result of the step work I have done, the men I have sponsored through the steps, the service to my fellowship and the spiritual journey to find a HIGHER POWER that can provide me the gifts I need to stay clean today. Even if a Kahlua and Cream is free, compliments of the house, if I choose to partake of that offer, it is a relapse, although I jokingly said that maybe I could call my sponse and see what he says!
Time to go greet this day with a bit of gusto, get some breakfast and see what I can not get accomplished as the day warms up and the sun beats down upon my brow, I am after all, still on vacation.
That rather abrupt segue into the recovery part of of this exercise and away from the not enough time part is how I am rolling today, a bit choppy, a bit disconnected and a bit well a bit sad that vacation cannot last forever, but grateful that vacation does not last forever. The very fact that I can be on vacation, anywhere is a tribute to a program of recovery that I have learned to live. Once upon a time, not all that long ago, going to foreign country for seven days was not something I had the ability to do. Well physically sure, but financially, not a chance in hell. It is because I have learned how to live the program of recovery and make it a part of my personal routine, that I can be here now and still be clean.
First off, at least in my head, there is NO “my recovery program.”There is a program of recovery as given t me from the members who have walked the path in the past. The steps are the steps, and are not subject to revision or reinterpretation. Step One does not say that I am powerless over substances, people, places or things. It says I am powerless over addiction. There are no qualifiers in that statement and the power behind that statement allows me to find a path to freedom from active addiction, NOT addiction in and of itself. For me that distinction is an important one, as it seems some of my peers believe that it is all about what and how much one used, although they do not come out and say that explicitly. I understand what they may be trying to do, after all it is all about the new guy, however STEP TWELVE starts with the words after having a spiritual awakening. I am quite certain that units I was awoken to the fact of what I was and what that revelation really meant to me and my life, I was incapable of carrying the message that there is a better way of living and it does not mean “having to come to these classes, the rest of my life.” what it means to me, is that I have to learn to integrate my life into the program I have been given, every single day of my life, even when I am on vacation.
Which of course brings up an amusing story. Yesterday a cruise ship came to town and the normal tourist haunts were full of people on vacation. We were part of those throngs of humanity and decided to sit down at one of those places that one must eat at, when in town. We had a short wait and as it was 12:00 NOON, we were more than okay with having to wait to get seated. After our 15 minutes we sat down and enjoyed our meal. What does that have to with anything? Well the hostess was very polite and courteous when she informed those who arrived at her station that there was a wait for a table. More than one party of diners were =quite put out that they would have to wait, and sought out her manager, pointing at the one or two empty tables that she had not had the opportunity to sit someone down at, because they were berating her for having to wait.over and over again, I saw selfish self-entitlement at play and was thoroughly educated in what I did not want to be like to the people who are making my vacation memorable. By the way, that hostess took that abuse in English as well as Spanish, as there were scores of rude and abusive tourists out there yesterday, thinking that they were something they were not, entitled. I may have certainly earned my seat in the rooms. I certainly earned the right to have an opportunity to recover. I did not however, become entitled to the gifts of recovery, just because I showed up and sat my ass in a meeting. Everything that recovery gives me, is the direct result of the step work I have done, the men I have sponsored through the steps, the service to my fellowship and the spiritual journey to find a HIGHER POWER that can provide me the gifts I need to stay clean today. Even if a Kahlua and Cream is free, compliments of the house, if I choose to partake of that offer, it is a relapse, although I jokingly said that maybe I could call my sponse and see what he says!
Time to go greet this day with a bit of gusto, get some breakfast and see what I can not get accomplished as the day warms up and the sun beats down upon my brow, I am after all, still on vacation.
∞ DT ∞